Wednesday, November 07, 2007 . 11:04 PM
Sometimes when i report to work and sit in my nice little cubicle, as i sat still and listened to my colleagues typing away on the other side of my cubicles, i thought about what keeps people motivated to work. What I meant is, is there an invisible force around that instructs a person that he has to report to this place for work the next day and the next and the next and the next? That's y we all faithfully turn up for work everyday. If the world doesn't work in this manner where we need our salaries to survive, i could imagine the offices would be empty. What drives us to wake up at a certain time every morning, to take a certain bus/train at a certain time to report to work at a certain time. Labels: life
Would we die if we don't report to work? Why should we report to work?
Who gives us work to do when we report to work? Why should we do the work. So what force instructs us to report to work everyday to do certain things? Is there any meaning to all these?
When you think about it closely and logically, there are probably no meaning in working at all. If money is not the thing we want, i don't know why life has to revolve around working, or rather being in a particular office at a particular period of the day from Mondays to Fridays.
That's how life is supposed to be? Then WHO said life should be like this? Who has the authority to say that? And why should we follow this 'design'???
IF you think i'm gonna start complaining about how i'm started to feel unmotivated..nah..it's not that. Work is good now. I'm very busy. Like i mentioned, now i finally understand what it means to b so busy till i can't go toilet or even have the time to go refill my water bottle. I hardly even touch my hp, hardly have time to reply to smses. Hardly have time to read those emails that are stacking in my mailbox bcos most of them juz kept me in the loop. Even tho yes i'm really busy at work, i really enjoyed work. Mayb cos i've slacked like 3 years in my previous job, and understood the pain of slacking really well...now that i have things to do, i'm actually really happy. I finally feel like i'm useful to the society.
Wonder how long i'll last in this job. Bcos there are really so many many many things to learn and do at the same time. No wonder they always put able to multi-task as one of the requirements in this line. You may have a stack of things waiting for you to do AT this moment but your emails are still constantly being bombarded and they all need you to do something ASAP.
And new found friends/colleagues. I like them. It's been 2 months already. I always thot that female environment sure very jialat with all the gossips but thank God this place has been 'rather' peaceful compared to many other places..
What really bothers me is the lack of personal time for myself. I fight really hard to have at least wed and thurs night without any meetings or going out so that i can go home and rest and watch tv and juz chill. Time is something that i lack i feel. I always don't have enuff time. I can never find enuff time. And i feel really really really tired and drained mentally by work and dance and juz life so much so that my personal life is in a mess. I don't have time to even look thru the stack of letters on my table at home bcos i feel too tired to read thru them as well. Yet, i look thru as much documents as i can on my work desk. I tidy up my desk every day before i go off work, that's a good habit i picked up while looking at how a very busy senior kept his work station so clean it looked like he only juz started work in this company(don have much barangs and files). I tot that's a really good habit to have, since the next day when you report to work, you would like to have the impression that you don't have THAT much to do and everything is organised. I'm by nature a really messy person. But i managed to keep my desk tidy, wow. Albert must b really proud of me if he ever sees my desk. Then...gez what happens to my tables in my room? The unopened or half opened letters are thrown all over the table, on top of my books(which i never ever have the chance of finishing reading),taking every little possible empty corners, on top of my keyboard, on my chair, on my printer, on top of my CPU and there are some on my dressing table, thrown on top of my makeups, hair accessories and watever other crap you wouldn't wanna know.
Every week that Albert comes by my place, he would see new letters thrown all over as i have mentioned and those books that i never ever finish reading in a disarray ( in my attempt to read them...haha ya rite..i juz donoe how they got so messy) jutting out everywhere. He doesn't like to see everything so messy. Then he would proceed to tidy up my table. I muz say he does a really good job in juz minutes. I'm so shocked at the 'transformation' of my table that i literally asked him what did he do?! and how the hell he did that?! Must be so blissful if he's my husband. He can clean up the house all he wants.
I have to pack up my room every week, or at least i try. I'm really lousy with all these. I try to wash my clothes during weekends, mop the floor and tidy up my room.
What makes me feel really upset is when i think about how tired i am that i can't even have the energy to make it up to my parents n my rabbit. I wan to spend time with them, esp my dad. But sometimes i juz wanna do my things, like hide in my room n juz surf or do watver i have to do. I don't even spend time with my rabbit anymore but i blame that on my mom, bcos i'm so scared she would start nagging if i let my rabbit out, hence i always keep it in the toilet. And yes i feel upset when i see how bored and lonely Angel is. Then i look at my dad, i think he's lonely too. Or at least i would think that he would be lonely if i were in his shoes. NOone really talks to him. I shd talk to him more, even tho it's rubbish stuffs but at least we get to talk and i know that makes him happy. I juz always feel so sad whenever i think about all these things, about how time is running out for all of us. If i don't treasure now, i don't know how long more they will be around............... and i'm really really afraid of.....that day......I can't describe that fear but the feeling is dreadful. Sometimes when i think about it, tears starts to form in my eyes.
I haven't gave them any gd life ........not yet........ how long more time do i have with them? Will i be able to give them a better life within these years? Hope they can wait.....
