Tuesday, June 26, 2007 . 10:20 PM
The whole weekends were spent on eating. Labels: misc
Saturday lunch, Deying gave us a treat at Coca Steamboat at Ngee Ann Shopping centre for her recent pay raise. Was gd catching up, the group of us. Xiaohui, Mei, Deying, Van and Albert. After that, we went off to shop separately.
Before long, and before i end up buying more clothes than i really need, Albert and i had to leave Orchard for Geylang. We were attending his fren's bday celebration and he's giving his group of friends + their gfs a treat at ...da chang jin bbq steamboat. Another steamboat...nothing spectacular about that place. Heard that pple said it's actually v nice etc but i tot was alrite. Mayb cos i was too full already. After the dinner, i was so glad to leave that place. It was so hot in there, my hair stinks of the smoke from the bbq and i was too full.
WE went to Cosybar to cut his cake for him.Had some drinks, tok cok...and then ALbert and i went off on our own to take a walk before we head home. I seldom have the chance to come to the kallang side, and looking at the nicely lighted bridge and the kallang theater made me juz wanna hang ard for a while more. WE spent most of the time taking photos, or rather i was the one taking photos...
The bridge across the Kallang River, leading to the Indoor Stadium and Kallang Theater.
ROmantic walk...along the river..
I tried my best to actually take the bridge, and the reflection but my hands were too shaky..haha
Some restaurant...and well taken reflection!
Sunday, i had a huge lunch after church and before 6pm, i was eating a big bowl of korean bimbabi or something....stone rice lar..cannot rem how to spell.wah v full.
Anyway, a video on Albert's singing...
Monday, June 25, 2007 . 5:16 PM
Another short story ...of another phase of life...
When i was in Secondary School, i became more n more withdrawn. I never remembered myself as someone with much confidence, my self-esteem plunged even more when i started attending the Secondary School. Confused with self identity, self image etc, i was only friendly towards girls.
I started having MASSIVE pimple outbreaks during my puberty years and seriously it was such a blow to my small existing self-esteem. I was never raised by my mom to think that i'm gd looking or anything. But it simply didn't feel good walking around with all those pimples waiting to burst ..
We had to change to a new class, which was dependable on your Sec 2 results. So i was allocated to the best class in the school with my good friends Xiaohui and Meimei. I used to sit with Meimei in class at the left corner of the class. I was sitting the most left beside her. I had gd memories of our school days back then. I finally got rid of previous testosterone raging male classmates in the previous class. I should really thank them. If not because they were so disgusting, i wouldn't have sworn to excel and make it to a class that they wouldn't b able to follow (bcos they were too obsessed with raging hormones stuffs like porn and getting familar with the vagina that they didn't study hard..or they were just stupid. They probably only scored on the sex chapter in our Science subject.)
There was this indonesian. Indonesian again..who spent the rest of the 2 years in class spying on me. He was sitting on the most far right, and somewhere at the 4 O'clock direction from where i was sitting.So he had a clear view of me. I started noticing his weird habits when i caught him looking at me. I used to think he was just looking at my direction, it couldn't be me. let me clarify. He was not gd looking, passable, gentle in his speech and demeanor and bloody rich obviously. In those days, when we were released for lunch, i remembered that a prefect would actually guard the whole row of corridor of classrooms so that students were not allowed to enter the classrooms once they leave. I think they did that to prevent stealing cases. ANyway, he would lurk around the area,waiting for me to appear.He's always just LOOKING at me. Sometimes striked some conversation or two...but he freaked me out.
I had to end up using Mei as my shield in class. I would hide beside her so that i know he wouldn't be able to see me. Every 5 min or so, he would be looking at me in class. I couldn't behave normally, naturally. It was pure torture.
On ICQ, sometimes he would talk to me. I remember this conversation clearly. He told me he had dreamt of me. He dreamt that i was in his room (omg...)and somehow i reached over n hugged him from the back. I almost just pluck my internet connection out.
There was a sports meet once a year. And once he took a photo of me, secretly. And of cos i didn't know of it. He sent the photo to me by snail mail like months later. And he wrote that he loves my smile or something. That was one of the ugliest photo of me EVER. I know my smiles can be mesmerizing and pleasant, but that photo, that angle of my facial expression was horrible. He took it from below, because i was standing at the top of the steps at the Clementi Stadium where we always have our sports day. And i was laughing away, with my mouth wide gaping monstrously opened. And he thought that was beautiful. Yew.
I just tot the whole thing was creepy. He may have meant nothing, but was kinda weird. Imagine me receiving such a photo, taken in secret without my knowing somemore.
When we finally finished our O'levels, the school had a 'prom night' for us. Unlike some of the lucky students who had a chance to hold their prom nights at lavish hotels, we had ours ...in our school hall. Omg, i just can't bring myself to actually remember the 'prom night'. I turned up in my ugly old fashioned top and skirt but that will be another story IF i remember to write about it, but i'm sure noone wanna hear about this sad 'prom night' tale.
As a rich Indonesian, he was to return home after O'levels. Or..was it going overseas to study. Mayb it was overseas, i couldn't rem.
That night of 'partying', as best as we could in that kind of environment and ambiance, we all returned home late. He had spent the night with the guys in the class in the bungalow( yes bungalow) of this classmates. The next day early in the morning, before he left for his flight, he typed a super long email to his friends.
I received his email.It was addressed to many many pple, many of whom were not from my class. He wrote each person's name and his thoughts for the person etc..when it came to my name, he wrote that he loved my smile TOO much. And wished that he could stay longer to watever watwever ..i don't wan to rem.
Then he left. Went to the US to study for the next many many years. Masters n beyond. And got married at the age of..i don't know..22?
I had quite a history of weird pple coming after me eh...haha..
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Friday, June 22, 2007 . 2:37 PM
Labels: stories
During my Jc one year, i joined the Chinese Society Club. I bet some pple doesn't even know there's such a club. Nonetheless, only pple like me would join. I like being low profile you see. Ok the real fact was, i hate sports and i hate being a librarian. My friends were very good with Chinese, and so being lazy i juz tagged along as they joined the club.
Every time we join a new club or something, we were always required to fill in our particulars for the club member list etc. He came to tok to mi about the club and also other things, from the way he talked, i had thought that he's a senior.
Days passed, someone called me at home. In those days, only the rich and elites had handphones. The rest of us civilians normally just owned a pager. But i didnt' even have the privilege of one at that point. He called and chatted with me. I thought was a senior making his rounds of call, since sometimes it was required for a particular senior of a particular position to call the newbies up etc. The conversation progressed to other things. Mainly him trying to make conversations. It was the same guy who came to tok to me. And i found out he's not a senior and he's a newbie too.
How did he get my number? From the list of cos. It meant only one thing. He wasn't supposed to call me, not on the behalf of the club. He actually checked up my number and called me.
It bothered me alittle. But being the friendly, kind, innocent girl that i was and still am, except for the innocence part...i juz pretended that he didn't try to do that. I shall not judge him and i'll leave his case for the benefit of a doubt.
I always used to have problems with rejecting pple or telling pple off, bcos i was too kind and too nice. That's the price to pay for being too nice.Now i figured i can be a nice person but im not obliged to not reject pple.
Since i became an official member of the club, there were more chances of meeting. He was involved in other activities of the club. I was involved in another area with my grp of galpals. I can't exactly rem what i did anyway. I remember him calling me at home sometimes, and also come up to me and chat in school.
Not long after, like months later, my friends decided that they want to quit the club and go over to Chinese Orchestra club. Another club that pple most likely do not even know that it exists in the school. I happily went with them, bcos seriously speaking the Chinese Society was kinda boring and some weird guy always chatting up with me wasn't that nice..
I had originally thought that he would draw a distance after i got together with my 1st bf from the same school. But to prove me wrong he didn't, and that was really a disappointment on my side. I had to entertain his calls, listen to his talks. He even suggested that we become penpals, writing in Chinese so that our Chinese can improve more. I HATE writing in Chinese. But as usual, i didn't know how to reject and i tot it's much better than talking on the phone. SO i agreed. His always signs off as xiao ge, as in..'older brother but it's alittle intimate addressing..' I felt like i was being forced into all these, but being nice i didn't wan to feel as if he's all bad or something.
He always told me of his gf, someone from his class. His class was in another combi and my class seldom had contacts with pple from his class. I never checked if he was saying the truth of cos. If he says he has a gf, of cos i won't bother to doubt him.
When we came back to school to receive our A'levels results, i went to a corner to call my mom ( yes i finally have a handphone by then, that was like 2 yrs after i 1st met him). My mom wasn't that happy with my results. And then before i knew it, he appeared behind me and scared the shit out of me. Right after the results were revealed and certificates collected, he immediately came over to find out how well i scored.
Then he was enlisted into the Army, for BMT. Almost every week, he would give me a call during his OTOT time.. Sometimes even twice a week, as if im his girlfriend and he needed to talk to me. Everytime i asked about his gf, he would either say he had called her already, or there's no need to talk to her all the time. Then there's a need to tok to mi ALL the time? It was always just one-sided conversation, with him rattling on and on about his stuffs and training. I don't wan to say this, bcos my 1st bf will probably read about this entry, but i really hated listening to all the army trainings n stuffs. Yes, it's the only thing, or rather, their only LIFE, at that point of time, what else can they talk about. But i didn't wan to listen too much about those army things, not even from my bf. But yet i had to entertain him when he talks about his stuffs. Sometimes i rest my house phone on my bed while i just laid down for a while and he wouldn't even notice that i'm not there.
All lies were revealed when my uni fren who was also my JC classmate told me that the gf was never attached to him before. I gave him many chances to tell me the truth but he didn't. I couldn't figure why there's a need to lie to me. Eventually, i confronted him. He didn't admit it. HE continued to lie but eventually confessed. But he refused to tell me why.And then when i said i no longer want to b in contact with him, he finally told me the truth. My reasons of not maintaining a friendship was not because i really wanted so much to get rid of him, i just do not like someone who hasn't been honest enuff to be friends with me. What is he thinking? What is his motives? To me, that's not friendship anymore. He had used christianity against me. He had said that im unforgiving. He never understood that forgiveness never comes easy and i had forgiven him. Forgiveness doesn't mean that i should pick him up again and resume him to his previous position in my life. It doesn't mean that. I just didn't want someone with weird intentions around me.
He had threatened to even kill himself. Sending weird suicidal sms to me in the middle of the night. I've also learnt that 95% of the cases of pple who threatens to kill themselves, do not have the guts to do so. I was terrified anyway. Prayed for him. What else could i do? I replied his smses, asking him not to do anything stupid, he didn't reply. A year later, he had smsed mi saying he is getting married, and asked me to attend his wedding without presents. But he never ever told me the date nor venue. There was another time he smsed and said he saw someone who looks alot like me in church. He never ever goes to church. What was that?
Many many years later, he added me to his friendster. He's unmarried and openly pleading for his gf to not leave him... on his friendster.
-_-
Thursday, June 21, 2007 . 2:50 PM
Labels: stories
One of the most hurting words that one can ever get from someone they love is that they apparently do not love her/him anymore.
Quite often, this sentence would be repeated to someone else, someone not involved in the relationship/marriage.
He told her that he doesn't love his wife anymore. They have been married for more than 15 years, have 3 lovely kids together. But, he doesn't love his wife..anymore.He had chose a really timely period to confess that he really likes her. She on the other hand, have been having problems with her husband. She couldn't get pass the fact that she had married him without love..
As he was at her side when she felt most down and confused, she was gradually won by his tender, warm words and companionship. Eventually, a forbidden relationship blossomed.
She had decided to sought a divorce, fumed by her new found relationship and failures in her marriage. To her horror, she found out that he had changed his mind. He will never divorce his wife.
SO much for the sweet, warm , tender words. SO much for the fact that he doesn't love his wife anymore.
When men lust or covet for someone, they can say anything, sprinkling sugarcoated words all over, making any promises. They can pluck the stars off the skies for you. They can even bring u the most expensive gifts. They were probably saying,doing all these for their wives, in their courting days. He probably had told her million times how much he loves her.
When a girl is in love, she becomes blind.Blind towards logic. Towards sense and sensibility. He must really be a bastard to claim that he doesn't love his wife anymore, because he must have loved her in the 1st place to go after her etc.
So i have learnt, that if a man tells you he doesn't' love someone he has been spending so many years with,in such an intimate marriage, he must either be too confused, bastard, or out to have a good time. Never find excuses for him.That only means your too blind ...
He had also told me that he no longer have any feelings for his girlfriend of 3,4 years..They had spent considerably long amount of time being apart. She has been studying abroad for all those years. Maybe, it's understandable that feelings change overtime, over years and being apart makes it worse. The only difference in this situation is that im not interested in him. Nevertheless, i didn't like the idea of an attached guy liking me.And i was attached at that point of time. We remained as friends, after i made it clear to him. He had graciously accepted my decisions, even though it took a while for himself to get over. Deep in my mind, i wonder if he should really continue being with his gf, since it seems like they have different values in life. Eventually after waiting for another 2 more years for her, she came back for good. They got engaged not long after. And they have just gotten married. I wonder if their marriage is good?
No men and women are perfect. None of us are saints. It is human to err. It's just a matter of how much we err? How much we know we are going to fall and yet we still made the decision to fall.
Another guy had told me how attractive i am and compared myself with his girlfriend, again of many years. And how lucky my bf is...but the fact is that freaking idiot didn't think of himself as lucky.I gez he was implying that he wishes to know me more etc. We remained just as friends. I drew my distance. Although nothing got further than that, i couldn't help but felt disgusted. They have gotten engaged last year, would be preparing for their wedding soon.
A married man approached me on Friendster, proposing to give me 4k a month if i agree to go on an affair with him. It is his 1st time doing and he confessed that he only wants to make life more interesting for himself.
If there's something wrong with you relationship/ marriage life, i think the solution is to solve it. It's a simple truth. Solve. But many pple,run away from problems, before they even start, they think that there's no solution. There's always a solution.
A relationship/ marriage needs to be maintained with love and continual efforts. Real love is when you don't feel like loving a person already, but yet you still choose to love him/her by doing what is best for him/her, that doesn't mean fooling around. Love is a choice, never just a feeling.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007 . 9:12 PM
Before i go into another lovey dovey sweet stories of mine, i would just like to say how the world is really shrinking with the use of internet. Jus when you tot that you know everything about the internet, taddaa...so many other things juz seem to pop out of NOWHERE and leave me feeling im such a technology idiot. Labels: misc
One thing i really like is my Mozilla. I don't know about the new IE, which also has tabs.I'm a pretty satisfied and contented user of Mozilla, so much so that i can't b bothered to switch back to IE anymore. Mozilla allows users to download many applications on their Mozilla, some of which are takes up space on your Mozilla (useless, but can have..), some of them i really think are genius inventions. For example, i have installed 3 applications on my Mozilla in my home pc. 1st one was this thing called Foxmarks. Its basically an application once you opened an account with them, anywhere in the world, any pc that can go online, will enable you to see your favorite websites; website you have bookmarked. I'm sure there are other online sites that allow you to upload your favorites into their sites, so that anywhere in the world you are never far from your favorite sites. ( in case you don't bother to remember the web addresses, and of cos u need to b online to access them) But what is so different about Foxmarks is that once installed on ur MOzilla, and any Mozilla, check this out : anytime that you are using a pc (with foxmarks) and you bookmarked a website, foxmarks will automatically synchronise itself with other pcs that you have foxmarks on. That is to say, today i bookmarked a website on my home pc, tomorrow i open my pc at work and tadaa the website is there sitting nicely in my bookmarks section in Mozilla. Not only that, Mozilla allows you to keep folders and sites on the navigation area. With firefox, even those things you bookmarked on the navigation areas are synchronised with other pcs as well.
SO let me quote from Foxmarks' website,The Foxmarks Bookmark Synchronizer automatically synchronizes your bookmarks between two or more computers running Firefox. It also lets you access your bookmarks from any computer anytime via my.foxmarks.com. An easy-to-use wizard guides you through the quick startup process. Then Foxmarks works silently in the background to keep your bookmarks up-to-date on all your computers.
There is also another application where it runs spelling checks on what you typed on your Mozilla. I'm not sure if google does that, but im sure many other things also helped you check your spellings. But i really like this function, as it really keeps my spellings in check, like now....
Another application that i installed is FoxyTunes, it runs in the background of your Mozilla playing songs. Basically you can use it to play songs, like a song player. You can see the song being played, and retrieve info on the songs, albums, singer, lyrics etc. This is just one example, as i played a Beatles song, when i click on FoxyTunes, it brings me to another page with all the information, like youtube videos, google search, lyrics of the songs..and even hypem.com, a list of Beatles songs that you can just play straight off from the net and enjoy. I don't know about you guys. But i really enjoyed the non hussle of listening to songs without having to dl them. Sadly it's onli for usage when you are online. But everyone has internet nowadays rite? haha..
Now, FoxyTunes have even came up with allowing users to post what they are listening to onto Twitter. And in case you are living in stoneage, Twitter has been one of the hottest thing around. Notice that small orange box on the left hand side of my blog? Apparently it keeps pple updated on what you are doing in interesting ways. So now everyone knows what everyone is listening! So quoting from Twitter's website,
And to tell the truth, i haven't really figured how Twitter works hahaha..bcos i was too lazy. But go check it out. It's an interesting concept.A global community of friends and strangers answering one simple question: What are you doing? Answer on your phone, IM, or right here on the web!
So indeed, the world is getting smaller. Strangers are no longer really strangers. Even if im in Sg, we get to know what other pple at the other side of the world is doing, or things that are happening but not major enuff to actually be in our local newspapers. The internet is really...getting very interesting. And i can't live without it. It's time to switch to Mozilla too hee.
Labels: stories
He's an Indonesian. I found him somewhat charming in his own ways. I remembered his fingers, there was something wrong with his fingers, more swollen than it shd be. But it never bothered him. In fact, to me it was special and unique. He must have sat somewhere near me in class. I remembered us playing, fooling around; little flirting games. Chasing each other, hitting each other.
I was only 9 or 10 years old. That year for his bday, he specially invited me to his party. My mom was really protective when i was young. She doesn't allow me to go for camps, parties etc. This was the 1st time that she actually put her nonsense aside, of cos after much pleadings from my side. In fact, i vaguely remembering that HE called my house and pleaded with my mom about it. I was dying to go.
My dad fetched me to his condo. I naively thought that he had specially invited me to go, but it turned out that he had also invited many other classmates. I could remember him at the piano, surrounded by the gang of classmates, playing a classical piece ( and i can't rem wat piece at the moment haha..), i was so impressed. Didn't know that his swollen fingers could play such wonderful music. I couldn't rem much of the party. I know i wasn't very happy after that. And all those pleadings, really was such a waste of my time n effort. I remembered that i tried forgetting the incident. So in the end, i ended up really forgetting.
WE continued our childish flirtatious plays. But there was one time, things got too far. We were settling down in the auditorium for a talk when he used a long ruler to poke my shoulders from behind, trying to get my attention and get me irritated. So i wanted to reach over and hit him. I've always been short, somemore he was a level above me. Somehow he was bending down tempting and teasing me to hit him, the closest i could get to, was his face. So i slapped him. His face totally changed, to black colour haha... Realising that i got into trouble, i sat down quietly.
He was obviously too pissed off with me. When we returned to class, he made it a point to actually kick my chair.
I continued to have some silly feelings for him even when we switched class when i was 11. being the smarter one, he went into one of the top classes. ANd being the stupider one, i went to one of the end classes ha. I remembered that i will try to get a glimpse of him whenever we switch classes for Chinese lessons. The whole floor would be moving. I'll be moving to his usual classroom, so usually we get to meet. Sadly i gez he wasn't that interested in me anymore after the wonderful slap i gave him haha..
Anyway my attention was shifted to another guy, A. And he was more gd looking, decent, and nice. I've known him all the way from 7 years old. In those days, we were allocated a school bus each to send the students home. All the students staying in the west, will take this bus. I had gd memories of the bus, the friendly nonsense Encik who drove us and the students on board. I've known him for so long it was almost like, when something started happening, i was thinking y it took us so long to have something happening. He had such charming eyes, eyes that could talk. I could see how he felt towards me. His eyes had totally told me that he likes me. He was not like the other guys, mayb cos we were older then. No more chasing each other, no more hitting each other. I remembered him always putting in his efforts to do something nice for mi.
Once i was at level one of the school, thinking about the sickening thing of having to run all the way up to level 4 or something to get something from the teacher. I bumped into him and he was asking where am i going. He offered to do it for mi. I was quite touched. He's in my chinese class, and we had been in the same chinese class since i was 7. Our eyes would sometimes meet during class, it's like it was understood that we both have feelings for each other. Our classmates would sometime teases us. Another boy, call him M, i remembered that he took our 'relationship' so damn seriously that he wrote us into his Chinese sentence making workbook. He wrote something like Blah Blah and A likes each other.. My chinese teacher of cos took the chance to read his stupid sentence making out to the whole class. Was totally embarrassed and i couldn't believe he had the cheeks to do that. Sometimes, when you like a person, you end up doing the total opposite of sweet things. You do things to annoy the person, so that he/she would actually take note of u. Or at least in pri school it was like that.
He was doing all those to attract my attention. M likes me too much. Sometimes in Chinese lessons, he would run over to my seat and just talked nonsense to me, trying to annoy me, find out what i like etc..While i was busying myself with A, he was noticing it as well. A would call mi often and we would chat for long hours. When we were graduating soon, he gave me an ograniser. And inside the organiser, i found a note that he wrote. It was just simple words but i felt like i was on top of the world. He wrote,' I like you alot'. It was just so pure and simple. Now that i look back at it, i still think it was very sweet of him.
2 days before we left school, M came to me and said he's leaving for Australia to study and won't b coming back to Sg till years later. I have no romantic feelings watsoever towards M. In fact he never told mi he liked me before that. He was telling me he really hope i can head out with him for once before he leaves. This is one guy that i had truly disliked since ..donoe when bcos of all his irritating antics. Being soft hearted, i just said ok...tomorrow after school we shall head to Coronation Plaza. This plaza was like my favorite hang out place back then, i usually go there with my girl pal (the one that cheated me). So i met him there. We found a place to sit down on one of the top floors where there were nothing except photocopying shops etc. There from his bag, he took out some nicely wrapped boxes. And told me he really likes me alot. I kinda expected that he likes me, but someone confessing to mi face to face, i think that was the 1st in my whole entire life. Totally threw me off guard. He gave mi jeweleries. Not just the kiddish cheap kinds. He got me a full set of thick silver chains, and a few pendants. Those kinds that u can only buy from those goldsmith shops. Just imagine my shock. It was the most expensive gifts i ever received at that age lar. If it's the present times, i would have been shocked if it's a bloody diamond. But it's not how expensive the gifts were to him back then, it was the thought, the sincerity, the sadness of not able to give me anything except these (which aldy meant alot), since he was leaving. I don't know why. I felt really touched somehow, that he chose to confess to me and even prepared gifts. And i felt bad for even disliking him. My gal pals were in the same building. They made fun of the gifts he gave me when they found out about it. I think they were just plain jealous. Till this day, i still have his gifts kept in my cupboard. I never wore them. Haha..
Speaking of which, A would always prepare me gifts whenever he goes for a holiday. He's not a rich guy. But back then when his parents were still doing better and were un-divorced, he did enjoy overseas trip unlike me. He gave mi very sweet things, like decorating the box which has a soft toy inside with nice stones that he found and bought in Australia. He would give me some of the Australian coins to keep as souvenirs as well. Anything looks good in my eyes, bcos i liked him mah. No matter how small, i know he made alot of efforts, bcos i know he used his own pocket money to buy things for me.
Sadly, after we went to different Secondary school, i stopped contacting him. We hv never held hands, never kissed. We were just so innocently in love. But i began to think that he's not gd enuff and just stopped picking up his calls. I really regretted being so harsh. But he has never blamed me or hated me. 3 years down the road, we met again and we were just gd old friends.
Till now, we still keep in contact, both of us each treasuring the good memories of the past. That's gd enuff. =) His eyes still as charming hahaha...
It's really a gd feeling whenever we talk and catch up, we would exchange stories of our families etc..and it's amazing how things changed. I knew his older brother and i bet he's now married. I just can't imagine haha..from what i remembered of his older brother etc...We do go a long way back!
But i have no idea where M went...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007 . 12:37 PM
Labels: stories
I tasted the feeling of love when i was barely 8 years old. How sweet. Aww. I fell in love with my fellow classmate.
We used to sit in pairs. I was sitting with a bitch who was always bullying me. He was sitting behind me. In trying to escape the class bullying, i looked towards the charming little man behind. A Taiwanese, a face of total decency, something that even now i found it almost impossible to find in any local men, or just men in general.
He was so gentle, just so decent. I looked forward to going to school everyday because of his presence. I looked forward to spending time with him even tho it's only in class. In those days, when the guys like the gals, they would 'bully' the girls, ie pull her hair, kick the chair she's sitting (esp when he's sitting behind her), throw staple bullets at her hair or erasers(small ones thankfully), fight, tease her. I prayed hard that ONE day my teacher would actually reshuffle all of us, and put mi to sit beside him, then we could play. We could draw lines dividing our table space, making sure each other doesn't come over to each other's drawn spaces, although deep down inside i wished he would come over and we could pretend as if we don't want each other in our space. What a crazy thing.
By 9 years old, i think we splitted class. And then the crazy girl in love with him fell in love with other charming little men. I had so many 'flings' that i couldn't really remember all of them. So much for falling in love!
Lunch time. gtg. Stories continue later........
Monday, June 18, 2007 . 12:23 PM
I KNow this topic isn't new, but i wanna just recap what have been happening for this previous weekend.
But 1st of all, bcos of my busy Saturday schedule and the heavy rain at night ( i shall explain about the rain later on),i fell ill again. I don't even know if this is new illness or a continuation of my illnesses.
2 weeks ago, i took this photo :
My collection of medicines. Some of them belonged to my mom lar...but well...
Anyway, back to what i've been doing... Friday night, a group of us met up to celebrate Mei's belated bday with her. The poor gal hasn't blown a single candle since her bday. We went to Swensens to have dinner, then head over to Bakerzin at Paragon for cakes and chats. And there, we asked for a candle, for her to blow haha...
The birthday girl !!
One of the cakes we had. very nice.
After all the eatings n yakkings, Deying had to go back to work (at 9.30pm ok....), Xiaohui and Mei went home, Albert and i went over to Timbre's. He wanted to look for Eric.
Eric is a music er..writer? I don't know. Producer? I don't really know.I've never really asked that Mr Albert (seems like we have some communication gap..) Anyway that's his blog. He is the guitarist for the band on every Friday at Timbre's. Eric had kinda arranged to meet him there during breaks to have a talk over his songs etc. So we went...and got home at 2am.
The next day, which was Saturday was a super hectic day.
11am-12pm: driving lesson
Rushed down to Tanjong Pagar by cab, didn't have lunch...
1pm-2pm at Tangjong Pagar, Craig Rd, En motion dance studio : Bachata course
2+pm - 5pm: Head over to Mt Faber Safra to practice dance
2.30pm-6.30pm : Back at En-motion dance school : Advanced Salsa course
Rushed down to city hall..have dinner with Huida, Albert, Bobby and gf.
8pm-9.30pm @ esplanade : 'The Specialist' @ Recital Studio
I was practically coughing like mad in the performance at Recital Studio....but the performance was really gd. I was truly entertained. As for the courses, it was enriching. little tips here n there. The instructor is a renowned dancer and he's really gd, very friendly as well. Really enjoyed it.
As i was about to leave Esplanade, it started pouring, and the rain didn't stop even after midnight. Albert and i chose to just stay behind in esplanade, sitting by the stairs at the entrance area and juz chat. Then head home, more than half dead.
Sunday of cos i was supposed to go church. But i didn't go cos i was too sick. My head was spinning around, juz so heavy. Wondered if it's cos of the cough syrup i took. Felt like a sick person again. I wish i could juz stay home but i still have another dance course, Social CHA-CHA.. at 4 to 5pm.
SO i dragged myself there, felt so disconnected from everything cos i didn't feel too gd. Cha cha was fun. This is social Cha Cha, not the latin cha cha that we see on competitions. This one uses cha cha footwork basics but handwork is mainly salsa. Body rolls, spins etc..was gd. Sometimes dancing can get alittle addictive. One hr wasn't enuff. Altho i was sick, i also wished that i could just dance more ...... anyway photos and videos may b posted soon. when i get them.
And im ending this post with a video. No not dance. Music. Hee..The beatles!! Love this song so much.....
Friday, June 15, 2007 . 10:24 AM
If i ever have a Suzuki Swift, it will be White. Labels: cars
If i ever have a Mazda 3, it will be red.
If i ever have a Mitsubishi Lancer, it will be Red.
If i ever have a Honda Jazz, it will b bloody white.
If i ever have a Mazda 5, it will also be white.
If i ever have a Mitsubishi Colt Plus, it will be white or red.
If i ever have a Mitsubishi Colt, it will be baby blue, because once i dreamt that my dad got me a baby Blue Colt.
if i ever have a Nissan March, it will be irish cream or red.
If i ever have a Mini, it will be red or yellow, with some designs on the rooftop.
If i ever have a Volkswagen, it will be green or yellow or red.
If i ever have a Nissan Cefiro, it will be champaign in color, or black. I don't know y i like Cefiro so much.
If i ever have a Mercedes, i'll think about the colour when i EVER have one...
I fancy white. I really like white.
Thursday, June 14, 2007 . 12:05 PM
I look like Hayden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Wednesday, June 13, 2007 . 5:24 PM
I was sitting here and sending mass emails to agencies, companies etc. Labels: careers
And im beginning to think that being a clinical research associate is pretty boring. No doubt it has potential and great career advancements..but it's tough to get in and tougher to work as one. So i've been looking around other companies, exploring different career paths.
And i've plucked all these from the sent folder of my email. Just look at how desperate i can b.
I've once emailed a no of agencies with the subject heading as : I need a job.
I had to stop myself from going further by saying ' i need a bloody job'. My body text were roughly like this :Dear Sir/Mdm,
I certainly sounded desperate. And gez wat. They did reply me, saying things like they will get back to me when they do have such offers etc. But they never did, at least until now they still haven't called me.
I would like to apply for positions such as Clinical research associate, regulatory affairs associate or anything related to clinical research. Please help me.
Thank you.
Regards,
Blah blah..
And just these two days alone, i came up with more nonsense, as i was genuinely pissed off that i still have no interview, no progress etc.Dear Sir/Mdm,
I can't believe that i wrote ' I DO NOT WISH TO WASTE YOUR TIME.....' but i must b a genius for actually thinking of writing that. Out of 3 agencies that i sent this thing to...only one replied. It's a certain nice guy by the name of Caleb. He sounded suspiciously like any other ACJC guy. Anyway he was nice. He took the time to explain to mi why i can't go into an associate role ( which actually i aldy knew anyway...) and told mi how i could actually go into it by entering a lower position...and he has a position on hand but i wasn't interested in that one. I didn't know if i should mention that i was once accepted by two companies for the role of coordinator and associate. I regretted not telling him that, mayb that will convince him enuff to convince the companies that i'm worth the try, even tho i may b inexperienced.
I would like to apply for the position of Clinical Research Associate, as advertised on Monster.com(ref balh blah ) on the watever watever. I do not wish to waste your time going through my CV if you are looking for experienced CRAs.I've been working in a histology lab for two years,i do not have knowledge in GCP/ICP but I am very interested to make a career switch to Clinical Research, i hope i can be given a chance, if a company is willing to train me.
Attached is my resume for your perusal. Hope to hear from you. Thank You for your time.
Yours Sincerely,
blah blah
I sent another email today to this other agency.Dear Sir/Mdm,
I would like to apply for the position of Clinical Research Associate. I don't wish to waste your time reading my CV. I do not have previous experience in any Clinical Research/Monitoring/Trials. I am very keen on having a career switch. I'm looking for a company who is willing to at least give me an opportunity to be trained and gain the experience needed to be a Clinical Research Associate.
I have previously been accepted by GSK and a CRO as a CRA and CRC respectively. Unfortunately, i chose to accept the CRO's offer and gave up GSK after much consideration and later on i was told by the CRO that they can't employ me anymore as they could not get a headcount to be approved later on.
Attached is my resume. Hope to hear from you. Thank you for your help.
Regards,
blah blah
CRO* means....a kind of company.
This time i made sure i tell my sad story of how i was left unemployed.
I sent another similar one to this other agent, whom my friend recommended me as she found the agent really good and nice. What i got back was a total surprise. He replied with a really long email, explaining that they do not have life sci industry offers now, and offered much advices about what i can do, and consoling me about my prior experience with the company. his email was so personal and friendly...I was so touched i tell you. Little kindnesses...that really warms the heart. Almost wished to marry him. Kidding lar. I love my bf. Dang..out of point..
I even applied to Cordlife. I think they have interesting jobs. But it's something to do with client relation executive. A little sales and customer service there...must make sure reach targeted client numbers.
These are so far the more ridiculous emails i sent out. I'm seriously getting quite irritated. I hope Singapore Tourism Board calls me!! yes i did apply for their positions too. If they call me, i'll let u guys know wat i applied for. If not..then just forget it.
Monday, June 11, 2007 . 10:43 AM
浪漫的神经病 阿正想追求同社团的小嫚，设计了一个他自认为很完美的求爱局。 他在学校附近的河堤旁，布置了一个「心」字。让两个女生成功的在晚上八点钟邀小嫚出来，到河堤走走。 小嫚一出现，他马上点火。 本来想要让小嫚在黑暗中看到一个可爱的「心字」，没想到用料错误───他生性节省，没有买人家求爱惯用的小蜡蠋，把自己的旧Ｔ恤撕成条状浸汽油，环成一 个心型，油量没有算好，一点起火来一发不可收拾，不但不像心型，还把附近的枯草也引燃了，没多久，就听到有人尖叫「失火了，快打１１９！」 他心爱的小嫚不但没有看到他的心，还因此而判断他是个恐怖份子。 不久，消防车来了，一个浪漫喜剧变成闹剧，阿正还被叫到警察局做笔录。 费力费了老半天，他只让阿嫚觉得他是个神经病而已。 很多老套的求爱方式，到了这个年头，可笑的成份远胜于可爱。 大中半夜跑到女友家楼下弹吉他，本来打算唱歌唱一整夜，不管风吹雨打，他很幸运，那晚没有下雨，不过邻居却有人报警，控诉他妨害安宁。 女友也觉得很尴尬。她认为大中的疯狂行为使她变成邻里间三姑六婆的笑柄。何况，他唱歌的声音很不好听。而她的父母并不知道她已有男友，这个疯子哪里来的，让她很难解释。 还有那种一早要送早餐给女友的，并没想到女友昨日很晚睡，他六点钟去按门铃，不过是扰人清梦。 「女人不是要浪漫吗？」很多被控诉不浪漫，一旦浪漫起来又讨人嫌的男生都有疑惑：「我已经都搏命演出了，怎么会有反效果？难道只有鲜花和钻石才叫浪漫，别出心裁不行吗？」 浪漫与恐怖之间，常只是一线之隔。 浪漫并不一定要鲜花和钻石，大部份女生也会称许心上人所付出的心意。她要的浪漫其实只是要明白她得到重视而已。 大部分女性喜欢的是安全性高的浪漫，所以前无古人的异想天开并不会太受欢迎。有位朋友的老公是我所看过的浪漫高手，他偶尔会把皮带圈成心型放在床铺正中 央，一打电话就说「亲爱的我想妳」，还会在老婆忙碌时打电话到她家向丈母娘问安。这些小伎俩并不花钱，而且很安全，感动女人的程度不逊于送她一份重礼。 不恐怖的才叫浪漫。 Labels: life, relationship
This is an entry by Miss 吴淡如 , whose writings i really like alot. She has a column in one of our local chinese newspaper but i can't rem the name of the paper.She is also hosting some Taiwanese shows and author of some books. ALbert passed me her blog address after knowing that i like her alot. I thought this entry was really funny, but it reflected of what i think is romanticism as well, all the little things.
Friday, June 08, 2007 . 2:46 PM
Labels: life
If you know Him, you will love Him.
If you love Him, you will obey Him.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007 . 10:21 PM
I seldom say this, that life is good.
Deep down inside, i think it's a taboo sentence. Saying or even thinking may just make my life turned out to b miserable.
It's silly to fear for the worse when times are good. SOmetimes it's hard to settle into the gd times, bcos half the time i know that the bad times would come soon, it's juz a matter of time.
BUt today, i truly say..life is good. I'm contented. And i know im truly blessed. And im not saying this because my life is really great or what, but i've learnt to count my blessings, learnt to be contented and focus on what is good.
Many times, we tend to focus on what is bad. And end up being miserable. My sore throat has came back to haunt me, evolved into a worse state. In actual fact, i felt like shit today. I couldn't sleep last nite. ANd that kinda made the no of nights that i couldn't sleep went up to 3. I should b VERY tired. In fact i WAS very tired.Yet i could not sleep. My throat was irritating me so much. So i had to take half a day off. ANd i was just thinking how gd it will be ...if i do not need to work. While on my way back to my lab, i enjoyed the afternoon (very hot) sun, took in the sceneries infront of me. I would pass by the huge grass plain behind my house on my way to work. It's been such a freaking long time since i saw the whole place during noon time. It makes me feel different. I really wish i can stay and wander around, doing my things carefreely but ...have to work. And i spent the whole noon, sectioning donoe how many livers and kidneys.
EVen tho i didn't feel good, i felt like rejoicing. I felt like i needed to praise GOd on how much He's blessed me.
I can really see my mom improving. Throughout the short hours i stayed home(after i woke up), i enjoyed my time with my mom. we spoke a little. ANd it was just so peaceful. I actually really wish for my mom to b around when im sick. She's just the source of some consolation. I like to b taken care of. Unfortunately, recently she's not been around everytime i fell ill. This morning when i woke up wanting to tell her im not going to work, she wasn't around again. When i woke up again she was back home, cooking lunch. I like it when she fusses over me, but not giving mi all the negativity. She to ld me that the medicine makes her lazy to think about things, so that she's not been thinking about all the negative things and things of the past these days. I don't know if she notices her changed behavior. I sure have. She's more cheerful. She doesn't complain about the past, she doesn't reply with negativity anymore, she jokes, she smiles. I'm not used to my mom smiling when talking ...seriously...and to me somemore. I asked if she wanna head out to eat tonite and she said yes.
So i went out with my mom after work, for a short dinner at central. Then we walked home. And i shared with her a little of my life. Its really great to be able to talk like that. It's a strange feeling, that i haven't felt for....years. Many years. Something i gez i've prayed for many times but didn't know it will exist in such a way, didn't know it will feel like this.
Juz feel that even tho there are of cos worries and problems, my life is great. I don't ask for more....except...mayb to recover from my illness? haha.. but it's ok, i'll be healed, just a matter of time
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Saturday, June 02, 2007 . 10:24 PM
Many times when i laid on my bed while i was sick, falling asleep, i dreamt of me dancing. I dreamt of how how i would hold my hand out, stand upright, ready to dance my waltz or tango or salsa or bachata...
I have a love/hate relationship with dance. I felt like dancing wasn't enjoyable for a long period of time bcos of many reasons even tho deep down i do love dancing. I felt as if my instructor has been the one pulling and pushing me to dance. My attitude had always been hmm i want ..but i don't wan this... I'm just pulled n pushed along to dance. It's been 1.5 years since i started learning Salsa. It's only been less than a year that i started so called training to be professional. It took me 1.5 years to be enlightened.To fully enjoy dancing for what it is. The turning point came when Bernice, who barely knows much Salsa asked me to go to Union Square. Someone she knew invited her. Union Square is like one of the biggest and few places in Sg to dance Salsa. They play only Salsa most of the time, and some Bachata in between and Meringue if there's any.
I"ve been to Union only once in my whole dancing explorations. My instructor usually brings me to places like Raffles Town Club, where yes u need to be a member or a member's guest to enter ( u pay a few 10 thousands membership a year...) and the place plays all kinds of dance music. 5 ballrooms( Slow Waltz, Foxtrot, Quickstep,Ballroom Tango,Viennese Waltz) 3 latins ( Cha Cha, Samba, Rumba), Disco Rock, Rock and Roll, occasionally Jive, Salsa and Bachata. SO as you can see, Salsa is like played as a minority in Raffles Town Club. Some places even have Paso Doble. In fact, there are many dancing places out there which are like such, playing many different kinds of songs, unlike Union. I would say many young pple are into Salsa and Bachata, but not many know other dances. Usually it's the older generation....at such dance places.
It was the 1st time i went to Union with my own frens,without my instructor. Somehow it felt liberating. I don't know my Salsa standard. I've been to Union square once for competition. It's weird that i started out straight into performing n competition that i've seldom social danced. SO was a virgin experience for me. Glad to say that i didn't put my instructor's reputation to shame. Tested my standard. Not too bad. But social dancing is quite different from performing of cos. That was what got me becoming more n more interested to dance more, to know more.
I love dancing. Now i truly love dancing. I crave for it. I can just feel my body moving to the beats, remembering the feeling..the way to move..i need to dance, if not everything is weird. Every dance has its own different feel. I may prefer this dance to another, but i love all dances. The thing with dancing is not to remember the steps. I dont' consciously remember all the steps, that's y i can never teach pple the steps. What i remember, is the feeling. The way to move, the way to do this or that..i remember how it felt...that's what i remember. If u are a musician, you probably know wat i mean. I was telling this to Albert one day, and he said it's exactly how he does it for his music.Feelings. Not the steps, not what to play...
Sadly speaking, i've skipped a number of dance practices since i got ill. Thursday was a Vesak Day holiday. Instead of spending it with my bf or friends or sleeping at home, i went to Safra at Mt faber. With my instructor.
I took the place with my camera. The dance floor i tell you is HUGE. Incidentally, this place is called THE DANCEFLOOR. It cost $12 from 2-7.30pm and another $12 from 7.30pm to ..i think late. I was juz amazed at the size of that bloody big dance floor. It's perfect for ballroom dances, cos ballroom dances, u practically need to travel around the room, in circles, sometimes towards the centre of the floor, or outwards, but it's like going around the floor. Bcos it was a holiday, about 10+ other pple were present but the place is so big, there are enuff space for everyone. There's 2 big mirrors at each side of the wall, to allow pple to practice their dances. A huge screen airing international performances. WE are entitled to 2 free drinks and light refreshments and free karaoke which is in another room. What a nice place. Love it. And it's so much nearer to my home compared to some other dance places.
I'm being trained the Standard Waltz and Tango for now. As in the international standards aka those u see on tv. I like Viennese Waltz alot, it reminds me of many romantic movies set in the victorian ages. Im not doing the Standard for Viennese Waltz, just doing it social dancing for now.
And i really like Jive and Samba. Hoping to learn soon. Cha Cha too, cos it's the most common social latin dance outside....
Compared to Union, which is usually packed like Sardines and u have no place to dance...i mean i seriously prefer this. Tho probably not many of the pple who goes to Union can follow me here.
I feel really blessed really. My instructor treats me like treasure and pampers me. He's understanding and willing to train me up for free. I should have counted my blessings long ago. I have no idea what i was thinking. I gez i just wasn't the greedy sort of person.
I was supposed to go there to dance today btu in the end i couldn't make it cos of my period. Remember i said it may come today. It came. The cramps and all. Argh. I spent most of the time today in bed sleeping. Just realised i can really sleep alot. Wondering if it's cos im still sick. I have packs of medicine waiting for mi to finish. Argh. I woke up at 11.30pm in time for my driving lesson. Then took a cab home bcos IT came. Had my lunch and pop back into bed by 2pm. ALbert came to keep me company. Im really thankful that he's around. Its not that i need someone to b around. I basically just sleep thru my pain, but he was so kind, he went to tabao dinner for me and my dad cos my mom didn't cook. I didn't have a chance to buy dinner home cos the pain already started. He asked my dad what he wants to eat..He not only brought the food, he even took my dad's dinner out of the plastic bag and all and prepared it on the plate, covered it with the plastic cover to prevent dust and flies from the food and washed the dirty plates that were accumulated since morning..all these while i was asleep. I'm really touched. Its nice that someone can cover you when u can't do ur job. Anyway then he left, bcos he had another appointment.
His aunt who is staying with his family happened to know that my P is here...she said that she will make mi some chinese tonic when it clears, to make sure next month's will be better. I'm so touched. His mom encourages Albert to be a good bf and son-in-law ( if we get married) to my family, bcos she knows my situation at home.She was very happy for me, when she got to know that my mom is willing to seek medical help for her depression as she believes that it's the 1st step to recovery. His sister who works at SASA, asked him to give mi some samples that she got from work, toner and moisturizer. IN short, i feel v loved. I'm so blessed.
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These 2 weeks have passed by without much of my participation. I meant my brain was not with me most of the time. I was either drowsy or groggy from all the illnesses that plagued me. Labels: life
Then i had to have eye infection in my right eye. No idea when i can wear my contact lens even tho it's not a serious case of infection.
Don't talk about having fun. Don't talk about dolling up. Don't talk about being prettier and stuffs.
I realised without health, none of them matter anymore.
It's Friday night but i've decided to stay home. I have nowhere to go anyway. But yet im not sleeping early when i should be, cos i should b resting more.
I'm afraid tomorrow will b worse! As in i'll be in a worse state than now. I could almost feel the miserable terrible worst pain in the world- menstrual cramps.
Illness definitely doesn't come single-handedly. It comes with a string of other illnesses. I don't know if i should even classify myself being sway. Truthfully speaking, i kinda enjoyed this period. The sickness wasn't fun. But being drowsy and groggy and sick, gave me the excuses to escape life's reality for awhile. At least take life easier. Take my mom's words and naggings easier, less affected by things around me bcos all my energy were channeled into just keeping myself awake. And it sure was a great excuse to use when it comes to procrastination. I'm sick, so i'll do this..do that when i feel better etc. Actually, it was quite amazing. I've learnt some things new about looking at life, psychology and GOd, just by being sick. Will share when....i feel better :p Ok..i meant when i could organise all those thoughts better =)
Time to sleep.. Been spending a great amount of time with my bed recently. I can foresee that this won't b changing soon........i love my bed anyway.
