Monday, February 28, 2005 . 12:09 AM
BE prepared. It's not for the faint hearted. U may suffer from depression after watching. But pls do watch it..at least for half of it. And i hope after watching it, u will do something to stop this sort of thing, even if it doesn't happen here....
http://hk.geocities.com/blood1213/fur.html
|
Friday, February 25, 2005 . 1:57 PM
* The Future *
What difference would it made in your life if u know that ur gonna die tomoro? Will u be happy? Will you be glad u know how u will die and do ur best to change ur fate? Or will u choose to spend gd quality time with family and friends and tell them not to b sad when ur gone??
So what if u know how this world will end? So what if u know at the end of the world, there would b wars, natural disasters,persecutions etc? Would men try to stop the end of the world from coming? IF u know there would b wars, then y not stop it b4 there are any? Mayb if we try hard enuff and stop all these predictions from coming true, then the end of the world will never come?? But then again, this means that prophesies will not b fulfilled and the bible had lied to us and i've believed in the wrong faith. Prophesies will always b fulfilled. Which means.........even if we knew how the world would end, we can't change the fact...which means....there's no need to try so hard...juz let wars rain on us...let blood shed...let the earth die....let us all b persecuted then..
Y am i writing all these? I donoe..juz thinking..
I wanna do something different. So i'm going drinking at Alley bar with deying,xiaohui and my cousin. I'm tired of my boring life. Sometimes u really need to try something new to excite ur life a little, push urself alittle, discover something that u've never known...I know drinking is like something so lame to do juz cos i wan to try something different haha..BUt it's one step out of my comfort zone at least. Next i'll accomplish more things, no....not more drinkings...
|
Thursday, February 24, 2005 . 2:09 PM
** Exhausted **
I was in a restaurant with a couple of pple and i know there's a beautiful beach nearby. So Yicai and i excused ourselves and went exploring and we found the beautiful place. The beach stretched long and wide, white sands which doesn't stick to our feet and amazing light turquoise seawater glittering under the sun. We were so excited. We ran from one end of the beach to the other end, and Yicai was nearer to the sea water and he got pretty wet. Then we were laughing and chatting till we reached the other end of the beach, went up a small hill to god knows where. And i looked beside me and it's no longer Yicai there but i think my cousin, Hsiaolin.
FLASH.
We had an accident. Hsiaolin was badly hurt. When i woke up i was lying on the hospital bed with an incredible steel rod inserted into my back and it extended to my left arm. I could feel the excruciating pain and inability to bend my arm. And in my subconcious state, i know i have to suffer for a long time before this aliend rod would b taken away from my body. It would become part of me for a long time. ANd this pain...i can barely feel my hand. Some relative was around. She mentioned that i can't possibly work like this. And all i could think of it the pain and my arm. She continued talking abt how i shd b reporting this to my workplace. And finally i was able to listen and agreed i should b reporting to them. A part of me was happy tat i have the best excuse in the world to not go to work. But the long period of suffering...........should i even b happy?????
And then i woke up. And i wished i could report sick today. But in the end i didn't anyway.
I'm so tired. I think i lack so much sleep that even sleeping for 12 hrs for 2 days during the weekends won't help me to catch back wat i've lost. How can i go to church like that. Everyday i'm so tired. I need the sleep. And last weekend i've slept v early considerably. I slept at 12 to 1 am during the weekends. I really wished i had gone and got an mc instead.
I have a new resolution from today onwards. I'm going on a fenzy saving attempt. I'm gonna save as much as i can bcos i wan to embark on some fantastic holiday and i betta start planning aldy!!! YIppe!!! I love NUS. At least NUS gives mi $300 subsidy for oversea travels!! Where shall i go? Korea? Japan? Taiwan??Muaritus???????????????? mayb bring my mom along too. Give her a little hols. YIPPPEEE!!
|
Wednesday, February 23, 2005 . 9:34 AM
* WAH LAU THE HAZE !! *
No one believed...at least on my msn. No one believed it when i said there was haze on sunday nite.. It's as if the whole world has their aircon on or wat? It's so bloody stinky..that unmistakable distinguishable foul smell. And i tot haze comes after April or something when the indonesian indigenious pple starts burning down the damn forest bestowed upon them by Mother Nature. The haze came unexpectedly early this yr. But that foul smell. How would anyone missed it.
Mayb u pple don call it haze. It's not BIG/ Smokey enuff to b called haze yet. Watever. Btw i looked out of my window and i can barely see the golf course and NUS beyond. The smell is so bad i could hardly sleep, every breath i took kills 1 lung cell of mine. At this rate i'm gonna die soon. I don have asthma actually. But the haze was really THAT bad that i couldn't breathe?
I don read newspapers..busy pple don have time for newspaper and happenings of the world except their own world. So i donoe wat's going on, whether there are many bush fires in S'pore or the pple are burning down the forest aldy or the world is heading for its doom aldy and no idiots realise that.
Yrs ago i remembered from our geography lessons that some geologists noticed a trend in global warming, and eventually there would b a big upset in the world's climates, wat abt the north pole dissolving and some countries gonna sink below sea level (while China sinks it's 3 gorges without any work of the nature). I think seriously if we goons still don realise that the 'predictions' are aldy coming true and it's right here in our faces, we are heading for doom sooner than we tot we would. Even S'pore, this place where i tot we would b spared from all harm, big and small is getting bush fires??? I tot bush fires onli happen frequently in OZ...suddenly we are living like we are in australia!! We have a bloody hot summer!! The grasses are drying up even!! Stop throwing ur cigars into the bushes can or not. The bloody haze is so unhealthy.
I'm thinking of installing aircons in my hse. Really....it's so bad. But i've got no money haha...and if i install aircons for my hse, eventually i got to pay for the rise in electricity bills so i'm heading for doom for myself. Shall think abt it. HA.
|
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 . 1:31 PM
Wat are the chances of finding your name on the net? Have u tried typing your name and search google or yahoo b4? Well actually i did it a few times b4. Yesterday i did it again juz for fun. Previously i typed my full name (including surname) the search was so precise it searched me out from nus database. OH man..talk abt identity and privacy. This time i searched 'Jiayann' and lots and lots of search results came out and as far as i can see there are many jiayans mentioned in chinese websites and even a taiwan news presenter of sort whose email was jia_yan@ watever watever .tw . Then i found a singaporean gal who has a livejournal by the name of Jia Yan. And what is even more qiao was she mentioned a guy called jiawei, for pple who don't know, jiawei was my ex. It's like wat's the occurence of 2 pple with the same names appearing in other pple's lives?Mayb our names are not that unique. I can't say for jiawei but i think i haven't met anyone by the name of Jiayan b4 so i truly believe my name is one of the most unique chinese names ard. But then..a number of my frens had encountered other jiayans b4 so...ok....but i bet i'm the onli jiayann with 2 Ns in my name ha! So i typed' Yann' and searched. So expectedly i saw my blog, and so many ang moh's whose name has a YANN. I didn't know my name is so popular. Wahh.. and there's a book called life of pi? It's by YANN Martel. Hee Alrite enuff of ego praising stuffs, I think i'm absolutely bored in lab work. I donoe y i'm here. Don't know wat my ultimate aim is. I feel like i'm still a wandering spirit. I don really intend to stay on long here actually from how i'm behaving. I still wanna work with animals, and not lab animals, but the more noble rescueing of animals and educating the public about taking care of their pets. I think i have some talents with taking care of animals at least. Hee..argh..ok i shall go back to cutting my 32 different samples of liver tissue. I love the pic. 
|
Monday, February 21, 2005 . 12:21 PM
*A timid heart of mine *
I realised when i'm terribly stressed or upset or angry or disappointed or juz troubled, i would turn to..........writing. I would b so troubled that i won't b able to sit or eat or sleep without any peace. It's like this nagging sinking feeling behind me all the time. And i would pray to God but i can't find the exact words to describe wat i'm going thru or y like that or wat happened and wat to do. I have to write them down..in my journal. Only when i write them down then can i picture wat i wan and wat i wanna pray for and i can see clearly what is truly troubling me...it's as if i write my anger, my depression away on the paper and i feel so much betta and less burdened after that. My journals are full of prayers. It's as if i'm writing to GOd.
So after saying so much u know where i'm heading. My weekends had not been GREAT. And to think im not having another pms b4 my period but yet i was tortured emotionally..hai..it's sickening. Life is really so hard.
I went to bed like at 12+ on friday, super early i tell ya but i was so damn tired aldy. But for 2 nights over the weekends i was tortured with nightmares....of....work!!!!! BLEAH!!!! The whole nite i was dreaming abt my tissue sections and how i donoe wat to do with the stainings of the samples which i screwed up on friday. And i donoe how to solve it or how to explain to the user abt her samples...i was so afraid of failing. I needed to perform really...i can't screw up this assignment. I was dreaming so much that when i woke up i wasn't even sure if all that could juz have been a dream or things i really need to do? Damn stressed. But then i 4got weiping is back on this monday? Then i would have someone to turn to for troubleshooting, i'm no longer alone!! Yay!! So after dreading coming back to work for 2 days, i'm actually so relieved to see weiping back!! It's like argh..having a mother after i was left alone for such a long long time.
Then on saturday my mom suddenly got into her usual but seldom outburst...she wasn't happy and i donoe wat is she so damn unhappy abt but accordin to all her naggings it's all abt my rabbit's fur..and then it proceeded to how stubborn the 2 dogs in the hse are. My dad is the old dog i'm the young dog. Both of us were born in the yr of dog. HA. How nice. On and on insulting things abt me and my rabbit. How i don wan to get rid of the rabbit how i'm so stubborn how WE(i donoe who are the WEs) always gek her how meaningless for her to come back to this home everyday........i was furious man. U ever tried swallowing everything that some pple threw at u, trying to console urself or convince urself that no lar this person is juz venting her anger watever..i was trying so hard to control my temper that my hands were probably shaking from the sheer force of my anger. Then i couldn't conttrol it no longer i argued with her. Shoutings, door slammings. She was obviously dead serious abt throwing my rabbit away one day. Then she threw the rabbit's big box in the living room out of the hse...man i was really so damn furious!!!!! All these things she threw at mi were so unfair...and untrue? Wat can't she understand? I love the rabbit so much!!! it's not a stubborness issue here?! I kidnapped Angel into my room for a long time after that in case she wans to throw him away in her attempt to fight for the alpha female status. I dragged the big box back into the hse while she wasn't looking. I donoe wat she's thinking or is she venting her anger on anything she can find cos she juz wanna pick a fight....seemed like she's ok with Angel the day after -_- hai....mothers.....BUt the pain of going thru it....the aftermath....she happy she throw her temper lar? I can't believe after work i still got to see other pple's faces can..............wat can of life is this.............
Then with all these room revamping thingie...my study table has been decided to b moved into my bro's room while his table would b thrown away after the cny. So last nite me and yicai had to move it for him cos he can't b bothered and yicai accidentally kicked his speaker and it broke from the speaker stand. Best liao lor. Knowing my bro's temper u think he would let mi off? And i donoe why am i so petrified ov everyone? Petrified over my mom ..next comes my brother...and this guy is not even above mi in rank in this pack ok...i'm like so scared like shit. When he came back i said i broke it but yicai came to my rescue and said he broke it. Then u see my bro's face changed from black to normal..and said oh it's ok....i really hope he meant it lor. If not i would get more shit in the future cos past wrongs were not forgiven...get wat i mean? Wat a day and wat a night...i'm kinda relieved he didn't blow up...that he graciously let us off. I hope he meant it once again. Hai....
So i gez im really such a timid little soul....so scared of everyone.. So i'm not as confident as i tot, altho i don think of myself as a very confident person but i gez everything falls apart when tested and it's shown that i'm a timid person. Ha....
|
Thursday, February 17, 2005 . 3:46 PM
* I just love my room*
Yawns. So lethargic. I love my room. It's not completed yet. But i juz love hanging ard in the room now...no pictures yet. Cos it's not completed and my pc is down anyway..how to upload.
This is really damn ironic. I juz spent $52 on a 256mb mmc card and so much space i donoe wat to do with them? I really wonder y i spent the money in the 1st place hmm. But of cos with that much space my hp is much faster now...and i've got like 800 avaliable images if i wanna take photos..800?! And i'm not using it...$52 .........how abt the 100+ i need to spend on getting a new hardisk?????? SOBZ...
|
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 . 12:07 PM
* hmm?? *
I donoe if it's the working culture or wat..bcos all the students i know had a great time celebrating vday while the pple in my workplace was so dead. That's the bloody damn difference b/w having lots of time on ur hands and having no personal time at all.
While every possible restaurant on this small pathetic island was packed to the core on monday nite, both yicai and i were taking a nap.....................in our own homes lar duh. Bcos we played way too much over the cny holidays that we slept at 3-4am every nite(morning) by the time monday was over , we were knackered. And then who cares if it's vday ??
After napping, we met up. Had a great time getting together in the corner of my room which i had decorated it to b my offical nuaing corner, with the lights off and his lamp on...wah..it was really romantic. Lush 99.5fm on and Baileys, contributed by Deying, in our hands...actually kinda beats going for dinner at packed restaurants, at least it's juz the 2 of us(ok with Angel in b/w...but u get the drift)
And then b4 long we had to go to bed aldy....cos we have to work the very next bloody day. I swear one day i'll juz not work anymore...i'll earn money while slacking somehow...let the foolish pple work all their lives if they wan to. 30 yrs of 9-5 job..oh sorrie now 5 days week so it's 8.30 to 6 job...for 30 full yrs of their lives. I won't want to live a life like that. I don wan to!!! I'll find a way.....
And i'm kinda proud to say that i've been a gd and hardworking this week. I've spent my days studying and reading up on alot of things so that i can improve on my knowledge and hands- ons...i realised it's so easy to do anything but to do it damn well it's so hard. 2 gals have approached mi to help them do sectioning of tissue and do stainings for them...1 gave mi 32 tissues to cut and stain the other gal wanna try let mi cut one tissue 1st and see how it turns out.
They probably all think that i'm a professional in these areas but the truth can't b further than this man. They asked mi for my professional opinions of how they shd do some stuffs and i'm so tempted to tell them i'm not a professional, in fact i'm taking ur samples to gain more experience wooohooo....anyway it feels damn gd to b called a professional haha.
Hai sian..boring...hai..
|
Monday, February 14, 2005 . 12:36 PM
* Valentines*
Not much of a Vday mood this yr. In fact every yr oso the same. Wat's those big fuss abt Vday. I bet if this yr cny didn't come juz b4 vday everyone would be talking abt the coming of Vday. CNy overshadowed this impt day where everyone is supposed to profess their love for their other halves, and not to mention today is monday. Wat are u gonna get for ur bf? Where u all plan to go? All those irritating Qs...IS it a crime not to celebrate vday? I don need a special day to recieve a bouquet of flowers that cost 10times it's usual price...i can eat a romantic din anytime 10 times less it's price...
So there, a grumpy old me. Pple would think i'm an old hag or wat. NO lar...i'm juz saying there's not much mood for vday tis yr as everyone is still busy with cny. Altho i haven't been doing much for cny, no doubt i didn't see this vday coming... I got yicai a clock. An artisitic beautiful clock. A chinese taboo for giving clocks as presents, obviously i don care. U know clocks are really very nice? And pricely too? I've always wanted to give pple clocks for their bdays or watever bcos i think they r really v nice and one look at the clock will def make their day. Unfortunately i don have the guts to try giving it to anyone except to my bf wahahaha...I am def someone who loves challenging traditional taboos. I wouldn't mind giving shoes as presents as well, i don think yicai mind and he has brought me many shoes aldy and i'm still not WALKING away from him. Turned out that everyone is celebrating their vday low profile if they celebrate at all. MY 2 colleagues have declared they r going back home and told their bfs they don wan flowers, like i did too. SO wat i got was a damn nice lamp from Ikea hee.....
The cny was damn gd. Actually i didn't do much. 1st day i was rotting at home, same as 2nd day. And then there weren't places to go either so all of us were forced to stay home.
Friday came and i didn't work of cos. Dragged Yicai down to Ikea and spent 3-4 hrs there, buying all the things i need to revamp my room. SO nua and nua. It's been ages since i had such a long break doing nothing but bum ard. Really reminded mi of the studying days man...hai
SAt was spent moving furnitures ard. Not only do we need to revamp my room, the area where we play our PS2, my mom wans the furnitures moved etc. So i feel gd. I like my room now altho it's still not completed. Yicai got mi a lamp for vday pressie and the presence of it immediately changed the faecet of my room. So i gez we shall spend Vday completely my mission of revamping my room. Halfway thru the whole fuss, yicai asked,"do i really have to change my room....." and i was like stunned. Actually i don have to...but...i juz wan to. Poor thing he kanna dragged to b my slave.
Angel loves my room. He's having an enjoyable time checking out the whole hse =) Muacks angel!!! MY cute big fat pig!
|
Wednesday, February 09, 2005 . 10:39 PM
* Let's talk abt Chinese New Yr baby (take 2) *
( ok i shall continue the story hee on my bro's pc cos mine has decided to die aldy)
ISit called Lunar New yr??Let's juz call it CNY lar. Sometimes i feel like i'm half a BANANA altho i've stayed in a chinese dominant country most of my life, and even in Sarawak, the chinese was still pretty dominant. Back in Kuching, as far as i could rem (rem i was only there till i was 7 yrs old) CNY was the most happening thing for the whole yr. My mom would dress me up in nice pretty fluffy dress, which i remembrered also gave mi the ultimate itch, but every year i would still look forward to wearing fluffy dresses that would irritate my skin to hell. She would tie my hair meticulously like she always does , into many sophisticated styles and included lots of ribbons sometimes. One yr i remembered i got to wear a cheongsam which i think wasn't really my favorite cos i still prefer irritating fluffy dresses...Likewise, my brother and my close cousins get to dress up like it's some modelling show, to parade our most fashionable dresses and hairstyles amongst the relatives. In those days most of my aunties were still unmarried and there were only my family and hsiaolin's with kids...so it was me, her , my bro and then her younger sis. So 4 of us. And 3 lovely dogs. And whole damn batch of aunties. Years later, Hsiaolin's younger bro would come along but that was like much much later. So every CNY was a parade of nice clothes, for our parents to compare about each other, to haolian, and relatives to commend how BIG we are aldy, and for us kids to have pure damn fun. And lots of hongbaos hee. CNY to us kids meant lots and lots of food and fun. We would play silly games, play each other's hair,chase the dogs. The highlight being the lighting of the paozhu. Pardon me ah...I have no idea wat that thing is called. Cos singapore kinda wiped out my memories of that thingie..PAOZHU lar. The line of paozhu that will go off when lighted, bloody lot of noise. Aint really my favorite i remember. The fireworks were more fantastic. But i have little recollection abt them as well. All i could remember was mayb 6-7 yrs ago hsiaolin and i were back in kuching and we put the fireworks ourselves in our grandpa's backyard. Was so damn cool!!! And now that she reminded me, my cousins micheal and his sis Karen and the other family, Michelle and Marcus were ard too. They migrated to Australia when we were all very young. So we rarely get to meet. That was one hell of a fun cny where everyone finally gathered together. Till now, we haven't had the chance to have that sort of gathering. 2 yrs back hsiaolin and i went back as well, to visit my parents cos my dad was recuperating in Kuching. And Micheal was there! Everytime we had a chance to b back in M'sia it was really fun. It's so different from Singapore. All that cny feeling, the festive feeling,the fireworks, Singapore has cruelly taken away. OK lar..the onli place in singapore that feels like CNY is CHinatown and boy do i have lots to say abt CHINATOWN. Blaeah. And most of all, it feels gd to have relatives. As u all know, i only have Hsiaolin's family and another cousin's family (mom's side) here. So we are pretty much on our own. CNY was never a big hoohaa, it was always a small affair here. But back in M'sia, all the kids, aunties,uncles,and long dist relatives..it feels gd to have such a big family, altho they may not be the best pple to have ard actually...but wat the hell...
There aren't many gd memories of CNY in Singapore. It's getting more and more boring for both our families. We used to go visit this rich family fren of ours but we stopped doing it aldy these few yrs cos of funnie grudges and my dad finds it inconvenient to move ard too much. Tho there aint' many visitations, my parents think of CNY as the biggest thing for the whole yr. Again we dress up, again we parade amongst ourselves(onli 2 families...haha)and parents comparing our results and schools hai. I remember the 1st day would always b reserved for hsiaolin's family. Either they come by our hse or we go to theirs and we would often stay at their place or at my place for the whole day. And we usually get damn bored. Hsiaolin and i would coop ourselves up in my/her room and chat the whole day and we loved it. Although it gets boring but we enjoyed being together =) And i remembered my dad's bloody bad temper. He doesn't like it when we are slow. Especially CNY. He expects us to wake up earlier and dress up and b ready to go if not he would snap at us. I used to hate it. And i remembered pulling long faces the whole day, evident in my photos.
My parents were not strict about following the customs. The usual cny food,greetings and deco were followed. We never done any lao yu seng as well cos i think it's purely local custom or something. Yesterday i went to hsiaolin's place for renioun dinner and we lao yu seng!! Its a new thing to all of us...speaking abt doing wat the locals do. When i was going thru the teens yrs (which was bloody long ago) I dreaded CNY. Partly cos of my dad's bad temper and i knew he would juz make things undesirable for all of us. And also becos i juz don like being forced to do wat i don wan to. Like listening to the noisy CNY songs omg..the chinatown adventures and having to get up early for home visitations and wear clothes that i didn't like. Back then my face was filled with pimples and i had not much of a nice figure to show off, my mom loved making me wear all those clothes that didn't flatter but worsen my figure and my confidence! Some years i recall i had horrible haircuts so on top of horrible figure, oily-pimpled face, i got an unlookable crop argh. Whenever i looked at those photos i really wonder y i didn't juz do something abt my hair and the clothes. Wat a geek!!! THank god i'm not like that now.
Being dragged to Chinatown by my parents was another horror. I dreaded those yrs. DREAD!! But i can't rem much abt them aldy cos i've conciously decided to wipe those memories off my database. I only remembered lots of pple,damn hot,lots of sausages and weird looking things and we hardly bought anything, why were we there?MY bro and i rebelled against them when we grew alittle older....and they juz let us stay at home while they go sqeeze themselves.
My mom would devote lots of her time into making pineapple tarts which i really muz say was delicious. No more of such now. She's too tired to do those. Sometimes i feel like a banana really. I don really celebrate CNY, i hated it somemore. TO tell the truth, i can only come out with SOME cny goodies's names, and let mi name all of them here: BAKGUA,love letters, pineapple tarts withthe pineapple paste in the middle, another one which has the pineapple wrapped up and i'm absolutely clueless abt its name, an the white white small things that look like flour, and tadaaaa babao he..the 8 treasure box. hmm that's all i know? I oso know u have to spring clean ur hse b4 CNY, but for watever reason i assume that's cos pple are gonna visit u and it's gonna b embarrasing to have ur hse in such a mess. I knw u shdn't be cleaning or sweeping the floor on CNY, isit the 1st day onli or forthe rest of the 15 days? I know y!! Cos u would b sweeping ur gd luck away!! I know u shd wear red and put red stuffs cos it's ausipicious. You shdn't b arguing during CNY or talk abt death or any thing that's inauspicious, don't worry your elders will constantly remind u that.
I know u have to bring even no of oranges for visitations and married couples hv to dish out angbaos to us. What i didn't know but took me a few yrs to learn were, cny eve u stay up till 12am for your parents, it's like a tradition, something to wish them gd health and b fillial u know. ANd we gladly stayed up cos 12am is hardly late for any of us anyway. And then they wouldgive us hongbaos after 12am or the next day to bless us with gd health and all the best for our studies watever. And then my mom does weird thigns nowadays which gets on my nerve. U know the reason y i'm not that into CNY yr and i'm quite an idiot when it comes to CNY stuffs was mainly due to the fact that i view xmas more important than CNY. NOt cos i'm a banana but cos when i believed in Christ, alot of these customs and tradition no longer makes sense to me. It's really not difficult to figure chinese out...everything has to do with money. It's like if u don do this u won't get gd luck u do that u will be blessed sort of things. With God ard, everything would b provided to us, so i gez i don have to worry abt doing this or that to make sure i have money for the next yr u know. Bcos i am already blessed. So that definetely gave mi a reason to not worry abt such things or submit to unfounded fears... One yr i found my mom dumping dried orange skins at all possible corners of the hse. She said something abt having a gd yr ahead. And i gave her the WTH look,tried talking her out of this silly thing, wouldn't listen i gave uo and walked away. And there at all the possible corners of the hse the skins remained for possibly another 1 yr or so.I really could have removed them and trust mi i tot abt removing them but i didn't wan to hurt her so i juz let the skins b there.. And then i can't remember from when onwards she started telling us not to switch off the living room lights on the nite of cny eve. Bcos the god of wealth will then travel pass, the lights would capture his attention and he shall enter this hse. It's really funnie actually the tot of it. I tot by doing so we would attract more evil spirits actually...But anyway mothers are always right. Other weird customs i won't know. Like wat god u shd b worshipping and burning papers to them etc, i won't know all these or wat muz visit temple......cos we don and thankfully we don.
And after every CNY public hols and when we get back to school, everyone would b so excited about their angbao money. I always end up having the least angbao money. There were some very exaggerated cases , like whose dad gave him $1000 for angbaos etc. While my mom is throwing orange skins and keeping the lights on, some pple juz have it so easy. OK i shdn't make fun of my mom later lightning strikes...haha
This yr, i don expect my cny to b great or anything, it would juz b as boring as the last few yrs but at least i have my parents with mi . It gets especially lonely if u don celebrate with a family bcos CNY is all abt family aint it? I had a renuion dinner at hsiaolin's place last nite. Was great. Today the 1st day of CNY and i juz rotted at home. My whole family rot at home, including my bro..hmm...except my mom who was so busy in the kitchen donoe doing wat. Felt like time really crawled. I didn't know wat to do, i watched tv, i went to lie down on my bed and watched tv and lie and lie and then it was dinner and then watched tv and now i'm writing this on my bro's pc bcos apparently he announced that my pc's hardisk has RIPed and i'm telling ya that's y i couldn't reformat my com....................now deying u know lar..................hai..
And friday i took leave so that ihave a bloody long holiday. I'm thinking of revamping my room from friday onwards, would that mean i'm disobeying the "no cleaning" custom for cny????
|
Tuesday, February 08, 2005 . 9:30 AM
* Let's talk abt Chinese New Yr baby...*
ISit called Lunar New yr??Let's juz call it CNY lar. Sometimes i feel like i'm half a BANANA altho i've stayed in a chinese dominant country most of my life, and even in Sarawak, the chinese was still pretty dominant. Back in Kuching, as far as i could rem (rem i was only there till i was 7 yrs old) CNY was the most happening thing for the whole yr. My mom would dress me up in nice pretty fluffy dress, which i remembrered also gave mi the ultimate itch, but every year i would still look forward to wearing fluffy dress that would irritate my skin to hell. She would tie my hair meticulously like she always does anyway, into many sophisticated styles and included lots of ribbons sometimes. One yr i remembered i got to wear a cheongsam which i think wasn't really my favorite cos i still prefer irritating fluffy dresses...Likewise, my brother and my close cousins get to dress up like it's some modelling show, to parade our most fashionable dresses and hairstyles amongst the relatives.
In those days most of my aunties were still unmarried and there were only my family and hsiaolin's with kids...so it was me, her , my bro and then her younger sis. So 4 of us. And 3 lovely dogs. And whole damn batch of aunties. Years later, Hsiaolin's younger bro would come along but that was like much much later.
So every CNY was a parade of nice clothes, for our parents to compare about each other, to haolian, and relatives to commend how BIG we are aldy, and for us kids to have pure damn fun. And lots of hongbaos hee. CNY to us kids meant lots and lots of food and fun. We would play silly games, play each other's hair,chase the dogs. The highlight being the lighting of the paozhu. Pardon me ah...I have no idea wat that thing is called. Cos singapore kinda wiped out my memories of that thingie..PAOZHU lar. The line of paozhu that will go off when lighted, bloody lot of noise. Aint really my favorite i remember. The fireworks were more fantastic. But i have little recollection abt them as well. All i could remember was mayb 6-7 yrs ago hsiaolin and i were back in kuching and we put our fireworks.
ok no time to finish my story..gtg !! tata!!
|
Monday, February 07, 2005 . 1:20 PM
* How old am i?*
I think last week was pretty bad for mi. As i sank into depression again and doubt my own personality and abilities. Thanks for all the encouragement and jokes that ur have provided mi with to cheer mi up and prayers of cos hee. Glad to say things took a gd turn on friday. Cut the story short, i was reassured that my relationship with my colleagues are turning for the betta. SO thank God for that. Can't believe how stressed i was man...and how paranoid i am..
CNY juz 1 day away. Yr of the roosters. Next yr would b dogs. *gasp* NOT AGAIN!!!! That would make us all.....24 yrs old!!!! OMG!! I can really picture my youth slipping away from my face. I don think i look THAT old. Altho some pple have been telling mi i look old. Juz ard 3 weeks ago yicai and i was in some 7-11 store and we got alchohol. I can't rem wat alcohol but was those cheap ones. I took the bottle went to pay at the cashier. I took out my money. The cashier as a matter of factly asked mi for my IC. o_O and i LOOKED at her eyes wide-opened in disbelief, gd thing my jaw didn't drop. I looked at yicai and asked him did she say she wan my IC? And i met this pair of disbelieving eyes as well. I asked the cashier again wat? IC? Both of us cracked up. We laffed alittle and ok..u wan my IC i'll give it to u and shock u to death that i'm much more than 18 yrs old. Very amusing. How long have i not been stopped for an IC??? haha
In the cab the other day the cabbie chatted with me. He asked wat yr am i studying? Cos my destination was NUS. HAHA.. I wanted to say, yeah i'm in 3rd yr doing this and that. Instead i told him the truth ..er no i'm working in nus. And he gave mi a puzzling, shocked look and said ohhh tot ur a student u dress like one. ANd i tot to myself, i could b a student. The only difference was that i graduated? IF not i would still b wearing the same damn clothes but carrying my notes instead of my beautiful handbag, and flipflopping in my $5 flips to the lecture hall which probably had the lecture started 30 mins ago without me. How i miss sch. HOw can i grow old with an environment like this? I'm glad i still look like a student. And not to mention pretty happie that hey i got stopped for my IC. Mayb i shd try clubbing? See whether they stop me to check my ic. Woohoo.
ANd then it amuses mi that some users who came to my lab tot i'm older? They didn't say it straight that would b too rude. I told a user i came from sarawak same as he did. HE asked mi when i came i said i came when i was 7? Then he mumbled something like oh that means u've been here ard 20 yrs....and i was doing my limited maths..20+7??? DO i look like i'm 27??????
I take it that he's lousy in maths too. OK....afterall scientists are so blur. They are 4ever engrossed in their world. They may not even know how to count except knowing how to calculate the number of dilutions they need for their experiments and do it with precision. OH well.
23 this yr. OMG. *gasp* that's bloody old. I still rem when i was a teen which was ages ago and i tot abt wat i would b like when i'm 22-23 yrs old....and i tot to myself nah..it's long from now..when the time comes then think abt it. SHIT. IT has COME. And where am i? I'm not a teacher which i tot was my aspiration that that age.........i'm stuck in a lab without windows!! BOOHOO!!! Barely any millions in my bank!! BOOHOO!!
ok lar..don crap liao lar...happy 23 everyone. I juz turned 22 onli leh.........i need time to adjuzt to being 22 u know..
|
Thursday, February 03, 2005 . 11:31 AM
*Confessions of a 22 yr old*
I've always tot i'm a pretty strong gal, able to handle all kinds of comments thrown at me by other pple abt myself. I tot so. Except for sometimes taking my mom's opinions and comments too seriously i tot i could b neutral abt other pple's opinions abt me. I got to admit that im not that neutral afterall.
I've beginning to realise a new side of me. A more stubborn, a more paranoid part. Ren(2) yan(2)ke(3) wei(4)...know that chinese idiom? It means gossips can kill u..in brief. U know how one person don like watever (small thing i might add) u may have done and she/he (usually a she anyway) goes complaining to another and somehow she exaggerates it that the matter became more and more critical that in the end everyone ends up bitching abt you behind ur back like u had juz been raped or murdered ur own mom.
I've got to b honest. I'm still working with a student's attitude. Not an adult working. MY heck-care attitude, my slack ways have finally gotten way out of hand and gotten the best of me. NOt to mention i screwed some things these 2 days, whether i really 4gotten to do my work or unintentionally i happened to not b ard to do my work....i screwed up.
So screwed up pretty bad that my colleague had to 'brief' me as wat i shd try to improve in the future. I would still say it was a friendly 'briefing'. And i hope they don bitch ard my mistakes behind. BUt it's their mouths, they can say watever they wan. I juz don like it. But then i can't expect everyone to b like mi, i seldom gossips or bitch abt another person. I got myself to blame anyway. I was like in such a daze everyday. I didn't know wat am i really responsible for. Late, blur,forgetful. No employers wan pple like me. I think i betta buck up soon. And...one more thing...I can't believe i'm THAT forgetful. Muz b all these msn chattings that's making mi all blur.Argh. Ban msn!!!!
I feel very useless. I'm so afraid to find out that hey actually im juz a useless bum who onli knows how to do last min studying. I'm so afraid to know the 'truth' if it is the truth i donoe wat i will do ... I know im smarter than these...but y am i always so blur..so screwed ..walking ard like a wandering spirit? Y can't i portray more confidence in myself?? And yicai is nagging me everyday to wake up earlier so that i won't b late for work again. HAi..gez i really disappointed him. I feel damn useless. Yes i do. I can't even do things rite. I disappoint myself and pple ard me. The worse thing is everyone thinks im having such a great life. NO im not. Everyday i feel more useless than the day b4. Hai..i won't elaborate or go into self pity.
Gez my EQ aint that gd. Now that's gd this happened. I'm shocked to my senses i can finally wake up from my day-dreamings and buck up. Mayb i've always been wanting to know how far can i go being like that..how far can i push this thing...or i've been waiting for pple to scold mi n wake mi up. Now great i've tested the waters and now i knew. Wish fulfilled. Can buck up now. OMG y am i even like that.........
|
Tuesday, February 01, 2005 . 3:59 PM
[01] First name: KHO
[02] Christian name : Lynn, probably wanna change this name cos it's getting too common tsk.
[03] Last name: Jiayann
[04] Nickname: Naomi,Princess Naomi, watever
[05] Gender: F
[06] Age: 22
[07] Birthday: 15th Nov 1982
[08] Height: Sensitive Q.....erm.......erm..157cm?
[09] Hair color: Dark brown with blonde streaks and i love it
[10] Eye color: Dark Brown
[11] Race: Chinese
[12] Do you wear glasses or contacts: contacts
[13] Do you have braces: nope
[14] Is your hair long or short: Erm, shoulder length which is quite annoying and i tot i chopped it off so much that it shd b considered short it's grown back!!
[15] Where were you born: The Royal Kuching hospital...haha yeah rite.Omit the 'Royal'
[16] Current location: Clementi
[17] Zodiac sign: Scorpion
[18] How many languages do u know: 4?lousy in dialects
[19] Nationality: A proud m'sian
[20] Bad Habits: Explosive temper, lazy, proscratinates too much, lazy, always late,lazy...oh yeah can b quite irritating...whiny.
[21] Piercings you have: 2 onli leh...
[22] Piercings you want: erm...don think so. IS NO a fashion crime?
[23] Tattoos you have: none
[24] Tattoos you want: Don wan
[25] Today's date: 1st Feb 2005
[26] The time: 0415
[27] Ready for more questions: ok..
---SCHOOL LIFE---
[43] Are you still in school: I WISH
[44] Did you drop out: HAHA...with an education system like singapore's do u expect anyone to really drop out?
[45] Currently in: National University Of Singapore..i juz can't escape out of NUS's clutches
[46] Favorite grade: JC, carefree happie on top of the world young and pretty
[47] Least fav grade: pri and sec sch
[48] Favorite teachers: Well...this chinese tcher called MR Tan something who taught me for 6 yrs in pri sch and almost acknowleged mi to b his goddaughter. No teachers i've met after could b betta than him in teaching and as a gd example of how a teacher shd b. Miss him ~~~
[49] Least fav teacher/lecturer: I got lots?? Which one do i rem?? Ahar! MOst of the physics tchers that i've ever had. They are all wicked creatures condemned with their abnormality in their brains
[50] Favorite subjects: Chemistry
[51] Least fav subject: physics and more maths
[52] Do you buy lunch or bring it: buy
[53] Play any sports on the school's team: Don think so.
[54] Do you do any co-curricular activitives: haha Library club, dance club, chinese orchestra, campus crusade for christ...i'm a geek
[55] Are you popular: Laid low.
[56] Favourite dance: I donoe. But i did enjoy my dancing days.
[57] Least fav dance: breakdancing??? haha
[58] Favorite memories: Lots..all the rebellious days, from zaoing sch, fiegning illnesses, faking mom's signatures, kiddish crushes, slacking, wearing a uniform,being late everyday, kana caught being late everyday, play hide and seek with discipline mistresses, cheatin in spellings, gossiping in labs, stingrays in acjc,sleeping in the libraries,sleeping in classes, dozzing off in labs and of cos last min studying =)))))
[59] Least fav memories: Not too much. I was onli bullied by a bitch from pri 1-2 and i recently saw her in friendster. Glad she's fat,glad she's nowhere betta than me academically and her bf is not as gdlooking as yicai. Didn't enjoy my sec sch cos i felt like i was in the midst of gross puberating hot blooded male classmates who tot they knew everything abt a gals' body, which i gez they failed terribly but still wanna pretend they did know so watever, gross.. Glad to b out of sec sch. And my pimple filled face is over!! JC was gd. Onli 3 hrs chemistry lessons sux. Physics tcher sux. PE sux. ANd detention sux. They made mi cleaned the leaves of hundreds of pots of fake plants...
[60] Most humiliating moment: Didn't realise i didn't zip up my skirt at the back (acjc uniform) all the way from my home to sch and some gal was kind enuff to tell mi when i was in the hall. OMG
--FAVOURITES--
[61]Favourite number: erm
[62] Clothing brand: nothing much
[63] Shoes: Charles and keith
[64] Phrases: WAT THE HELL
[65] Favourite TV shows: HOngkong dramas man
[66] Sports: no
[69] Movie: lotr,sound of music,phantom of the opera,moulin rouge,chicago, in the mood for love haha
[70] Magazine: Style
[71] Actor: alot...like tony leong, johnny depp
[72] Actress: hmm..donoe
[73] Candy: Mentos the fresh maker
[74] Gum: none
[75] Scent: Escada
[76] Choc Bar: too heaty
[77] Ice cream flavour: strawberry
[79] Seasons: winter or autum would b cool
[80] Holiday: Every holiday bummer
[81] Brands: for wat? Toilet paper i use???? Fairprice. Cheap.
[82] Singers: AIyah....
[83] Group: evanescence,Corrs, Jets, Eagles
[84] Rappers: Eminem
[85] Types of music: Rock,jazz
[86] Things in your room: Bed lor. A huge-die-oso-won't-budge wardrobe lor,book shleves lor,a table lor, lots of clothes/bags on the floor lor,windows lor
[87] Place to be: Ikea? Haha
[88] Radio station: 95 Fm and Lush 99.5Fm
[89] TV channel: scv 55,56,10,11,12,16,20
[90] Food: Jap and italian the best wooooowah
[91] Overall food: ??? cup noodles? wat is this
[92] Store: for food? Erm deps on wat u wanna eat. I'm alrite with food. Alexandra village has the most number of gd food.
[94] Fast food: mos burgers
[95] Restaurant: sakae sushi,pasta fresca,pasta place and i can't rem....
[96] Shape: ??
[97] Songs: currently the phantom of the opera songs..
[98] Musical instrument: no fav..
[99] Person you love: ALot.
[100]What do you wanna say most now: very unexciting this thing. But i'm really so bored.
|
Deying was not able to resurrect my pc. SO no internet still. This is shit.
|
