Tuesday, September 18, 2007 . 11:39 PM
U know i've been really trying to be thankful for this job, the colleagues and environment. But seriously, i'm finding it hard to adapt to it yet. After being stuck in the lab for almost 3 years, office life is a little hard to get used to. I won't say i'm a person who is not adaptable. I think i'm rather adaptable actually. ANd i'm not saying lab experience is useless, it's juz different. Labels: careers
The last office (as in REAL office) life of mine was back in the CPF days when i graduated from JC and was working there as a temp. Altho i was a temp, my workload was like a permanent staff. WHen i left 5 months later, i had a huge box of files of cases that i've left behind for the next person to take over. At that time, i was actually pretty happy with office life. Mayb cos we were paid hourly. The more u worked, the more money u get. 1.1k for an JC grad a month was not bad leh.
A few more days in this workplace made mi understand a few things.
1st, i think i'm deficient in my PR, socializing skills. For watever reasons, i think i'm too tensed up or something. I don't know y. I think i must b too paranoid over this and that. ANd i've no idea WHY the hell i'm being paranoid. The more a thing is important to me, the more i get serious abt it. I don't know y this job seems so important to me either. Seriously, i've been thinking it would b great if i'm not working in an office haha..THERE goes the irony!!!! See, i've been wanting to get out of lab, and when i'm out and managed to switch to an office, i wish i'm somewhere else. Wish i don't have to work. WOrking is seriously not for me.
OK, plus there's this pressure that i gave myself, about socialising. There are so many colleagues, it's of cos impossible to get to know everyone well. And i also of cos understand that time is required to build any relationship/friendship up. I'm worrying about whether i'm socialising enuff, whether i'm being friendly enuff, whether i'm taking the initiatives enuff. I'm basically trying to change myself into another person? I don't know since when that i haev the tendency to be anti social. Muz b something that retained from my ex workplace, since i kept away from most of my ex colleagues when i already had the idea that i wanna leave that place.
So yes i gez, it's a big effort on my part to appear to want to socialise? Even simple things like bidding gdbyes to colleagues as i leave the place is a little daunting to me. I'm so not used to doing that! But well, i still did, bcos i still know what is politically correct things to do.
I think i'm giving myself too much pressure to perfect everything. I wish to start right on everything of cos. I don't wan to give a bad impression and give myself problems with colleagues in the future.
So the 2nd thing i realised about myself is that i'm actually not a bo chup person. IN fact, i look for perfection in whatever i'm doing. Altho on the surface i looked cold and cannot be bothered, but i do want to do things well. So.... i made myself miserable. And i made myself feel dreadful about going to work like i'm a spoilt little kid (but i think that's mainly cos i hate to work that's y...) Anyway, i think i've been trying to control my own career and life, trying so hard to steer everyting in the right directions. MY RIGHT directions, what i think is right, and it's kinda draining me. I realised i shd give them to GOd and ask Him to pls take control.
Besides, GOd put me in this place right? Yes i really think so. Bcos of many factors which i shall not dicuss here. I don't know y God placed me here, but i take it that it's something i have to go thru, for how long i do not know. At this point, when i juz started, i aldy have thoughts about doing something else. hahaha...wah lauz. what am i doing man! So God placed me here, it can't be to harm me right? So if he placed me here, then He would guide mi and bless me and protect mi from whatever harm. SO y am i worrying so much? argh.
3rd, i realised i shd treasure my own after office hrs time for myelf more, like dancing, like staying home etc. Bcos i hate going to work. The only time i really enjoy myself is dance, or at home with my family. I juz wan to see familar things. Since when ....did i start developing a fear for the unfamilar thigns and yearn to be in somewhere familar? hmm...it's strange really...
4th, i shd still be myself. I'm juz never going to be the kind of person who makes lots of noise. I'm always the quite one in a group. But i wish to open up more. I don't know y. It's been a long long time since i've seen the other side of myself, the gal who would jovially joke and play or disturb pple. What has happened to me man.
5th and surely not the last, i realised that ...i really want to be a tai tai.
I HATE TO WORK. Thank you for reading everyone.
