Monday, July 02, 2007 . 2:47 PM
Been sometime since my last updates. Labels: life
MY dad started to have gout last tues..he refused to see the doctor. My mom at the same time also standing by and stating her overly paranoid opinions about how we gonna bring my dad to see the GP etc. My dad eventually decided not to go. But his knee hurt so badly that by Wed night, he was groaning in pain and telling us he wanna see the doctor now. That was aldy 8pm lor. He couldn't walk anymore, no more strength. Since he couldn't walk, i had to attend to him. My bro was not at home. My mom couldn't b bothered. She did ask how is he etc..but she refused to attend to him. And i rather she doesn't cos i'm so afraid she would go into her unstable mood swings (which hasn't been happening since she been taking the medication) because of my dad again.
I had to attend to him on his clothes, his face washing, his brushing of teeth. It reminded mi alot of the times when he 1st came home after his hospitalisation in China and he couldn't even do anything without help. For the 1st time in 10 years, i kept my room's door opened, so that if he has any problems he could shout for me, then i can wake up to check on him. But that nite i slept like a pig, i don't think he ever called for me, even if he did i didn't hear lar.
Next morning, dressed him up, prepared his face washing and tooth brushing stuffs. He couldn;t even stand on his own, i had to ask my mom to drag up upwards so that we can move him to the wheelchair. Then my bro and i brought him to the GP at ave 2.
We were there 1st thing at 9am when the clinic opened, but there are always pple who goes to see the doctor b4 the clinic even opens one lar.. so we were no 9. I wanted to take leave on that day to attend to my dad. My mom had to work and my bro couldnt' find a replacement for his work as well. But Huida was on leave, i couldn't take leave. I could onli MIA for these 2 hrs before i head back to work again. My dad was groaning n moaning in the clinic, sure it invited lots of unwanted attention from the other patients. The nurses asked if he was having any difficulties in breathing. I don't know if i shd actually feel embarrassed by him or what. I didn't wan to. He's my dad. What can i do? And im sure he's in great pain.
But i wasn't feeling that great either u see. I've been having cramps, as if it's period cramps, juz not the full blast yet..and my period isn't here yet. Been feeling cold and weak. In the end i think was my stomach not well -_- lao sai donoe how many times...
My dad demanded to go into the doctor's room right then at that moment and insisted that there's no problem with that. Then he said in Sarawak can one...of cos can lar.. IN m'sia, they give priorities to elderly and handicapped patients, anywhere in hospitals or clinics. But we are talking abt Sg here ok. U die oso have to wait to die. Everything muz go by law and order and rules and regulations. Everything oso have to Q.
ANyway he was given his medicine and my bro brought him home lar. I went to work instead. Sulk.
In the end, the medicine gave him gastric problems. Hai....what can i do.....
Now i know how it feels to be a parent, if my child is sick....i can't take it. The stress and all. I can't take it when my dad is sick aldy...i don't mind taking care of him, but i don't wan him to b tortured by sickness lar duh. I check on him every now and then lor.
I realised after this episode that i really need to come home n check on my dad more. He was having gastric pains and i didn't even knw it until friday nite when i saw him eating biscuits at 12+am. I happened to feel v hungry also (after all the lao sai-ing..) and came out of my room when i aldy have started to sleep. I was so shocked to see him there eating biscuits. After probing him for quite some time, i finally understood that he was having gastric probs after the med. And i was juz thinking....y the hell my bro still playing game in his room and couldn't b bothered to check on my dad when he's trying to open the biscuits so late at nite? He obviously wouldn't b doing that for no reason cos that's not his habit. And how come i wasn't informed of the gastric prob, when my dad claims that he has been having it the whole day? ( i came home late lar....but still? ? ) He had asked my bro to get him the med for indigestion from the drawers..which means my bro knew about his prob but did nothing? I couldn't b bothered to ask for a reason from him. I applied peanuts butter on 2 breads and gave it to him and had another one myself before we all slept.
I think from now on, i'm going to get a freaking wireless phone and put it infront of him so that he can call me when there's any probs. And if im heading anywhere after work, i shd go home n check on him before i head out.
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I went for the Ballroom and Latin competition which was held at Orchid Country Club's ballroom on sat nite. Was quite an eye opener. I've seen kids as young as 6 years old doing ballroom and latin. I've seen couples as old as 65 years old doing ballroom and latin and have so much zest and power in them that they could pass of as any adults. The place is really nice and huge. Was really impressed by place.
b4 the whole thing ended at 11+, we went off. Lindy, Albert and i booked a taxi to head to Velvet to celebrate Hsiaolin's graduation.
I didn't know y i went. Bcos i kinda regretted going. The whole time there i was pretty bored. In fact i was put off by the whole clubbing thing. WHen i told pple that, they all told me that it's cos i've finally settled down aldy. I don't think it's that entirely. I think was mainly cos the music was trance and it was totally undance-able for me. The guys were drinking like mad, the place were dark, music was too loud (plus music that u can't dance to...argh). I could hardly talk to Albert. I was just really bored. IN fact the moment i went into velvet i was like oh man..wat did i get myself into. Not to mention the smoke. Ok fine it was the last day for them to smoke....
I just realised that drinking n wasting my life away isn't what i want. After being continuously sick for more than a mth, i've been thru abit of hell and back. I've been thru being stuck at home even tho i wish i could go out n play. Simple things even. Like juz heading out to shop, i couldn't even find the energy. I tire out easily. I go into a daze very soon. And before long i think i juz go home n sleep better. I'm sick of being like this. OF cos i really hope i can b healthy like before. But mayb i really need a gd gd rest for a long long time. I'm so afraid of being sick and helpless again. I don't wan to spoil another nite with friends or Albert and becos i'm sick, i have to go home.
I treasure my health and body more. I found myself not wanting to drink too much, not wanting to eat heaty food, i stay clear of things that may make me sick. I make sure i sleep b4 1am nowadays, even on FRIDAY. Anyway it's not hard to sleep b4 1am, i'm so drained of energy that halfway thru talking face to face to Albert, the next thing he knew was i aldy half asleep, on the table lar.. I wanna go out oso cannot. I wanna play oso cannot. Where got the energy.
I saw some girls, holding on to their glasses of alcohol in one hand, another hand holding their cigarettes and moving along to the trance music. And i was thinking, how many times a week they come here and rock along to the music with their alcohol and cigarettes. How meaningful is that. Y not juz go home n sleep?
I mus b growing old damn fast. Cos i'm thinking like im a typical yellow faced aunty. Somethings are just meaningless one lor and useless. Why waste ur time n life away doing that?
I also can't stand music that wouldn't allow me to dance. After looking at all the professionals do their things on the dance floor, i am very inspired and i wanna do my best, do more actually for my dancing...instead of slacking around. Whenevr i get into that dance mood, it's hard to shake it off if i don have my fill of dancing. But i can't take trance music. I don't like it. So i suppose i can onli stick to dance clubs, as in those clubs or dance places where they play all kinds of music for all kinds of dancing. Not anyhow wild dancing, but disciplined dancings. I don't really go to places like union square cos it's still a club. Pple there drinks and environment juz not v pure lar.. Mt Faber Safra's Dancefloor is really my favorite now. I can't stand just dancing salsa as well, now that i'm better with other dances. Salsa alone is just not enuff. A good dance, a good shoulder roll, a good body roll, a good shake.....that would make mi a very happy girl...
I look forward to all my dancing times now...instead of dreading them. Sometimes i feel like i haven't played enuff but its time to head home aldy. Ah...
What would i do if there are no dancing for me anymore ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
