Thursday, July 12, 2007 . 6:05 PM
I'm sitting here alone in my lab, bcos my colleague Huida has gone on a half day leave. And i start to feel really down. It was at first triggered by some past events /incidents of Albert's er Labels: spiritualcrap things. From my previous entry, i gez i was really down. Felt very lost. And feeling trapped by all the commitments that i have, no time for myself. I almost feel as if i need to check into the hospital juz to sleep. Switch off my hp and disappear till days later. I juz need a gd rest. I'm burning out.
ANd i juz sat here by my pc, and the song 'Heart of Worship' began to play. As you may guess, my spiritual walk with God aint going well these days. In fact i couldn't have the time to really do my quiet time or pray. Bcos before i start praying, i would have fallen asleep, i'm just that tired. So tired mentally as well that i can't bring myself to do my quiet time. Mayb all these are just excuses, mayb i was juz too lazy to tok to God.
And i looked at my busy schedule this whole weekend, i felt like i almost couldn't take it. And the song playing....the lyrics going..You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear...You're looking into my heart.. then as i was focusing on the lyrics, tears began to flow...gosh im actually crying...i started to really identify that the feeling in my heart, the strong pulling sensation. As if my heart could gravitate towards the ground..in somewhat biblical words, i was feeling so 'thirsty' for God. The pull was so strong, that somehow i feel tortured. I know that i should b praying but a part of me thought about all the excuses about what? praying in the lab? what if pple walks in? But anyway they would think something is wrong with me, since i couldn't stop crying. What do i have to lose? I shd pray.
I prayed for forgiveness. Asked God to come into my life once again. Refresh my heart, and my soul. Altho i didn't feel immediately released from my fatigue and emotional wreckness, there was peace. And as i was juz sitting around more, this song was next on the playlist and i listened to the chorus carefully...it's exactly what i wanna say to God...exactly what i need. Before long, i felt it. Instead of dread and coldness and burdens in my heart, felt the warmth, as if someone was hugging me...
And i know ... and always knew..that God has always loved me and never left me...
Took a while to stop the tears from coming ...
I don't know. I feel so ...amazed...at God's workings...
Words and Music by Geoff Bullock
Verse
Refresh my heart, Lord,
Renew my love,
Pour Your Spirit into my soul,
Refresh my heart.
You set me apart, Lord,
To make me new,
By Your Spirit,
Lift me up, Lord,
Refresh my heart.
Chorus
And I will worship You, Lord,
With all of my heart,
And I will follow You, Lord,
Refresh my heart.
Verse
Refresh my heart, Lord,
Renew my love,
Pour Your Spirit into my soul,
Refresh my heart.
You set me apart, Lord,
To make me new,
By Your Spirit,
Lift me up, oh Lord,
Refresh my heart.
Chorus
And I will worship you, Lord,
With all of my heart,
And I will follow You, Lord,
Refresh my heart.
And I will worship you, Lord,
With all of my heart,
And I will follow You, Lord,
Refresh my heart.
Refresh my heart.
Refresh my heart.
Refresh my heart
