Sunday, May 20, 2007 . 11:06 PM
3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made a richly ornamented [a] robe for him. 4 When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. 5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. 6 He said to them, "Listen to this dream I had: 7 We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it." 8 His brothers said to him, "Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?" And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said. 9 Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. "Listen," he said, "I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me." 10 When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, "What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?" 11 His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind. Genesis 37:2-11 2This is the account of Jacob.
Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them.
NO matter how frustrating, how upsetting our circumstances may be today, we can take comfort in the fact that God does know about it.
God had right from the beginning intended Joseph to be someone great. But it doesn't mean that he would b assuming that role a few months down the road. He needed to be taught to b more sensitive, to be more matured, to b humbled etc. Similarly, God intended a purpose for all of us. WE may not know the purpose now, but we are in the process of making.
WE need to be moulded, corrected to assume the purpose that He would have for us in this life. Many times God would bring us through this 'tough times' because we really do need to correct something in our lives or characters, sometimes we 'invited' such correction ourselves.
I feel that as humans, we are juz blinded by our circumstances. Many times we sink into self pity, depression, frustrations etc. i always like to quote what Paul has said about suffering,
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.Romans 5:1-5
We are only sinking into such negative thoughts because we couldn't see the hope beyond the problems, the worries, the bad circumstances. IF we allow God to guide us through, for him to mould us, for him to teach us what He want us to learn from our bad times, when we look back at the problems, worries and tough times, the tough times actually look not so tough, because we have grown.
From looking at my mom's condition and other pple who has depression, i can conclude that i could be like one of them if i do not have God. Not to say that Christians don't suffer from depression. But i feel that we have hope in God. From looking at my personalities, i think im not the kind of person who can take things lightly but God has taught me that i shdn't hold on to things too tightly, bcos then i'll trap myself in my own misery. God gives us a meaning in life, the meaning that pple seek for when they say life is meaningless.
I seldom blame God that my family is like that. I'm seldom angry with Him. WHat i was angry before was my situation and my mom continuing to be like this. I've never blamed God that i have to suffer like this. This is just life. When we became Christians, God didn't say He will make our life easy and smooth sailing. What would we learn if our lives are so wonderful and perfect.But he did say he will never do anything that is bad to us and he will never leave nor forsake us.I did question why in the past....but i think it's a healthy thing to do. Bcos im seeking for answers. As the years go by, im beginning to understand why. It's not my fault that i'm being thrown to handle such a family.
Even though this time, it seems like my mom's condition really reached critical status, and of cos i don't feel gd about it. Im worried for her. And i'm feeling down, but im careful that this negative feelings will not stay. I'll make sure that the negative feelings n thoughts will not stay. I know God has a purpose. My mom may b on the road to better recovery now and i gez i got to thank GOd that the series of events led to this. I don't wan to handle everything on my own and feel so drained out. I feel that i don't wish to talk about all these much anymore. I don't wan to complain so much about my mom's condition and how i feel anymore. Juz feel so sick of hearing myself talk about all these all the time. I've also come to realise that what i've gone thru, and still going thru has made me a wiser person, and i can share all these experiences with pple facing similar problems and struggles. That is one of the purposes that that i know God has intended for me. Maybe in time to come, my mom will come to realise that only GOd can fill the emptiness in her heart and learn that happiness does not come from the circumstances she's in, it comes from God as well.
Some pple may be going thru an even harder time than us now. There's no way of comparing the magnitude of sufferings of different pple. One thing that may looked like it's nothing to me, may be the biggest heartbreak for someone else. Everyone has a different paths and God is teaching everyone a different lesson. But as christians, we should uphold our brothers and sisters in christ and non-christians, comfort them, help them, give them the love that God wants to give through you.
I gez instead of praying that God change your circumstances, mayb we could start praying that we are willing to change and ask God to change us. This is just life. Life will throw shit at you, pple will throw shit at you. It's really how you respond to the shit that will matter,how you wish to perceive the shit that matters.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9
Last of all, i feel really blessed that i have a loving group of friends whom i know will do anything to help me.I used to feel so alone. But now i have all of you. Hsiaolin, Deying, Bernice, Mei, Lloyd,Keith, Huida, Albert etc. (Don't kill me if i left our ur names, cos right now i can onli think of some pple....)I really feel so fortunate n blessed that you guys care so much, the fact that i know i don't have to be alone feels so much better. And im writing this in bigger fonts cos i know that some of u will skip this whole entry altogether cos i talked about God. SO hopefully you came this far to see me say how much i appreciate you guys.
Labels: depression, life, spiritual
|