Saturday, May 19, 2007 . 5:04 PM
Well, things have simply changed in a matter of days. Labels: depression, life
I thought my mom had improved, but apparently she still can't take certain things. On Wed, she found out that my bro has bought a bike in secret. She was so upset, so devastated, she fell ill. (flu and sore throat n fever lar...)
After talkign to my brother, i was pretty upset too. I mean, i feel drained out as well bcos of this family. ANd the last thing i wan is another problem to solve. The best thing is to lie low and not rock the boat and everyone has peace, get what i mean? My mom can't take any big blows, neither can i. I was trying to advise him to see the bigger pic and i got upset that he couldn't. Im not saying he wasn't matured enuff...i felt that he has grown alot. But being young, certain things still need to be taught to him and learnt. Despite knowing all these, i had no idea what i was going to tell my mom. My mom couldn't take the blow, she didn't know how to handle it so she juz walked out of the house and went to her friend's place. The following two days, we had no conversations about the bike and my bro. IN fact, i avoided her as much as possible. I made sure i'm not home early, cos i just don't know how im going to tell her to just let go and let my brother learn his lessons himself.
Then friday nite, the inevitable happened. Was supposed to go Union square to salsa the nite away (again my avoiding strategy) with Hsiaolin and Bernice. I was right there at the building when my uncle called my cousin and asked me to go home right away, saying my mom has breathing difficulties, prob gonig to send her to the doctor.
I went home. And my mom refused to go n see the doctor. She just spent the whole night (11-4am) crying away. MY aunt and uncle were there till almost 2am, and most of the time, she refused to talk (she lost her voice as well) and she kept giving us gibberish things like' ignore her' 'she doesnt' need us' 'she doesn't need our help' tis and that..........she behaved as if she was half drunk with her gibberish. Is that my mother? I barely know her anymore.
My aunt was like saying we shd bring her to the psychiatrist tomoro bcos she seems to b in a very very bad condition. Then my mom went, ' i don't need to see a doctor, just let me move out, i don't wan to see your dad.' AH thanks mom. WEll that's depression for you. Going rounds n rounds. I ended up shouting and scolding and coaxing her as if we have switched places- her being my daughter.
I gez if i look at it in another way, this is a gd thing. I feel very fortunate that my aunt and uncle are with me this time. And they insisted on going to the doctor, which is better than juz me saying she needs to be treated. My mom will never listen to me. In the end, my mom only agreed to go see the doctor albeit very unwillingly because i said that if she goes to see the doctor, we will agree to her moving out. That's how she finally gave in. Great isn't it. I have such normal functional family. I think it's a gd thing she's finally seeking treatment. But i was worrying that she will come out with all kinds of stunts to avoid going to the doc the next day (which is today).
Another thing that came out really good of this drama was my relationship with my brother. WE suddenly become gd terms with each other. WE discussed about things etc. Before we went to sleep, we removed all the keys on the window grill, so that my mom won't go commit suicide. I'm saying this as if it's juz a common thing rite. WEl she was threatening to kill herself again last nite. SO yeah. Lock all the window..... removed all the keys. I even kept her keys to the door lock. SO that she won't get out of the hse before anyone of us can stop her the next day.
Wah lau. I really don't know wat to say lor. I really don't know wat to feel about all these either. I feel like my mom, tryign to set curfews for me in the past. It doesn't feel gd. It really doesnt. I feel like shit that my mom is behaving weirdly now.
MY aunt came at 9.30am. I was praying hard that my mom won't give mi stunts. Luckily she didn't, and we managed to get to paragon medical centre PEACEFULLY. Before she left, she still had to confirm with me that i'll agree to let her move out if not she won't go see the doc. -_-
The whole day she was pulling such a long black face. I've never seen her like this before. IN her own world, frowning and not answering to pple's questions. It's like a rebellious kid. Waited like 3 hrs for the doctor. Didn't know that there are so many sick pple............... anyway he's supposed to b quite gd and famous in this field.
When the doctor talked to her, she refused to answer and just looked away at somewhere else. Drama eh? SO my aunt and i were doing most of the talking for her. Doctor prescribed med for her, 2 weeks later go back and can do counseling. Wont get addicted to the med either, can stop the medication when she feels better. It's so amazing what medication can do to your emotions isn't it, juz cos it alters something in the brain.
After the doctor, she refused to go home, cos once again she doesnt' wan to see my dad. SO we went shopping ard, while she still continued to pull her long face.
Oh and my bro has agreed to sell back his bike. DId i mention that?
I think he's grown alot. And i salute him for willing to sacrifice the bike for my mom. Now i don't know about my rabbit.................my poor angel.
So that's about it. Sighz.
Pray that my mom will improve more. Pray hard.
And ..the doctor visit cost $135. My aunt has kindly sponsored us, im grateful. but i know that her family oso not doing v well now....so i'll return her the money.
