Tuesday, March 27, 2007 . 10:10 PM
My mother has never been quite supportive of my interest in dance. But she was fine with my dancing in secondary school. She never once poured cold water on me as i practiced my stretching and splittings at home. I think that back then she probably had too many things in her head to bother about me doing all those weird things in the living room. Labels: dance
Having said that, she wasn't all that happy for my commitment in Salsa n all the dance practices. She used to complain that i spend too much time outside dancing rather than helping her out at home. She warned me about the people in dance circles.
When my instructor and i bought the very revealing dress few months ago, i didn't show it to her, for fear that she gonna say something discouraging again. My mom has always been like that, nothing encouraging can come out of her mouth. This time, i showed her the flamboyant costume that i brought home and told her that i might need her help in some amendments. She didnt' say anything about the revealing dress.
I was really surprised tonight when she asked when is my dance performance. Not only that. She asked if im recording it. I replied' should b'. She insisted that i should. Cos when i stop dancing or when im old, these recordings can b kept as memories. My mom leh..................she actually said that leh.......... im impressed. It's as if she really cared about what im doing and proud of her daughter!!! Maybe she's happier with the fact that this time the performance will b paid. SO mayb she finally sees what i've been doing is 'useful'. But anyway, im really touched.
Yeah i know it's a small thing. Just that my mom hardly supports me in anything. She's always been like that.
Tonight's dance practice has been scheduled to sat's 2-6pm practice. Just to brush up on every steps.Thurs as well.
I used to keep thinking if im wasting my time n effort on dance, if you guys remember my blog entries before dec....It's always about whether it's worth it. My decisions in life, besides being governed by God's directions, the next question would be ..if it's worth it. I can't help it. Im not being materialistic. Just that..im not like most pple out there who has a choice. I don't have a choice. Everytime i make a decision on something, like something long-term, ie a course maybe? I have to think about my family 1st. If that thing would take too long, too much time on my part. Money...my own time...church....how much time can my family take up right? Alot lor. Cos my mom wans to see mi at home and not running ard everywhere. I shd b staying home to accompany my dad more as well. Just think about it. How much time can u spend with ur parents? Forever? They are running out of time. If i don't spend quality time with them now when i can, when can i ever spend enuff time with them?WHat's lost to time, can never b gained back....that's y i think i shd spend more time with my family...it's just priceless.
I also can't b like some pple, who can invest all their time and efforts in their passions. So i've trained myself over the years to just accept the fact that there are some things that i just can't afford to do. I don't feel sad for myself. Just that everyone has different lives and different paths. I've also trained myself to this point where even if it's my passions, i can give it up. it's just too tiring to keep a passion, except for God lar. I've thought long and hard abt my dance. Many times i felt like i shd give it up. But now, i've finally been enlightened. I don't find it so stressful anymore, and i can see the kind of improvements and progress i've made. Back then, it was like a dry period for my dance...now it's picking up again. If im not dancing, then what else can i do?I shouldnt' give up so easily. I shd persevere. Perseverance is not something that i possess. I don't see y i need to persevere if it's not something to do with improving my family..cos everything else is not worth it. And what i do for God or others, are out of love, not perseverance. Now i think it's worth it.....i like to dance. I love to dance. If it's taken away from me, i'll regret that i didn't try to keep it. I won't have the chance to do it all over again anymore once i pass this age. And i won't have the memories to keep....
