Tuesday, January 16, 2007 . 10:34 PM
Some pple has this wonderful way of looking at life, that life is just so easy. Some pple thinks tht when they graduate, they will quickly earn money and buy a HDB flat and settle down with the gf. Some pple think too easily about life.
Life is not that simple. I don't need to b some 40 yr old fat housewife to know that. I may have thought of life very simply in the past. Until i realised life is never tht simple. In fact when you start working, realities of life hits you even harder.
Some pple has it so easy. They have parents to look after them, they don't have the burdens of supporting a family, their parents even helps them out, they have healthy happy parents, they have a good job that pays well to support their lifestyles, nevermind that they don't have money to get married, their parents chip in and help them, they own a car, a HDB, they never had an arshole for bf, their relationship smoothsailing, they never have to worry much about life except about boys,girls,handphones,laptops,cars,clothes, hair, shoes.
If you ask me if i envy them? I've never really allowed myself to b envious. Bcos envy and jealousy tortures noone but urself. I take it as that i have a different life to lead and i don't have time to b envious of everyone else.
I used to pity myself for having to fumble in the dark, being so helpless and lost about the kind of situations where im born into. But yet im blessed and lucky compared to thousands of kids out there who were borned into even worse society. But not anymore. I haven't felt that kind of useless self pity for a long long time. I've toughen up and focused on solving the problems that life throws me.
I can't explain why God allows me to go thru all these. Y does GOd allows my mom to b so hurt, my dad to b so sick, and y me ?? I know one day i'll know the reasons. I know im shaped and toughened up bcos of these. I work hard in doing what i can to help my family. I only regret that i only have the ability to do so little. But i know God has aldy blessed us alot.
Im only 24 this year. By many standards, im an adult. I shd already know how to take care of my family.I can even b a mother at my age.But by local standards, i fairly say that pple here are so sheltered they take things for granted, even their family, don't need to even say independence lor. How many guys i know at this age who are truly independent goodness...
I wish i can make things improve more. Undernealth all those smiles and fun, im actually a person who has many hurts and wounds on me, but still i can go on and have fun and smile, bcos i want to have a normal life, like most pple around me.
The reason im saying so much...is bcos my mom went unstable these 2 days. IN fact, this morning i didnt turn up at work till 11.45am bcos my mom was really unstable.. It started off with accusations of me being unfilial, inconsiderate watsoever about going on a 10days holiday. ANd somemore i didn't tell her im going China,which she is really worried about. WEll there are many things......let's just say that a human being is so complexed that what she/he feels are a result of many overlaping things and emotions. How to identify? How to seperate all the individual problems? There are no black and whites. There are not even right and wrong. There are only problems and they are so overlapping one another that you can't possible draw a chart and talk about them. SO wat do u get? You get a daughter, who can't say she has been thru THAT much in her life, or eaten THAT much rice to teach her mom how to take things easier.I think im wise. And that's cos i've been thru alot these few years. And my mom taught mi to b wise...who knew that years down the road, she will need her daughter to help her.
WE are a family. We should help each other. We should stand by each other.
I really want to ask God ...how much longer? How much longer b4 we can b complete and healed?
I know His answers.....it doesn't matter how long bcos he'll b with us.
Sometimes i feel so alone. But i know im not. I juz have to reach out to God. Im very thankful for the friends that i have around me, who are always so patiently listening to me and so understanding towards me..
Having said all these, i really don't understand why there are some people who whole day talk about wanting to die and how life is so sucky ( in Sg..im serious..there's one such person on my msn list NOW and im looking at his sucidal nicks everyday), so pessimestic and all...when their life is not even half as bad as mine? Immature bird brains.
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