Thursday, January 04, 2007 . 4:02 PM
2006 was definitely not an easy year for me. Then again, the previous 3-4 years weren't easy either. But 2006 was definetely and absolutely the turning point of my life. Rather, it was the beginning of life.
I was attached for 6 bloody years. I blame myself for being emotionally weak that i need to rely on someone to take care of me. I desire the feeling of being loved, mainly bcos i hardly feel it in my own family. I was attached for almost 4 years from JC. And then 2.5 more years to that guy. I that that 2.5 years took alot out of me, and gave mi damages. True enuff, he was around when i was going thru the most diffult times of my life. That i thanked him. And if i haven't gone thru this hellish 2.5 years with him, i don't think i'll grow and wisen up to what i am now. So mayb i shd thank him.
To put it simply, i was a person who needed pple to lead mi, i was uncertain of what i wanted in life. My walk with GOd was in pieces. I decided to change all of that when i broke up in Oct 2005. I said to myself, one year on, i'll be different. And i'll look back at my sillyness and laffed at what i was.
2006 really wasn't easy. It was like being thrown into deep waters to swim ard for survival after a long long time. GOd has always been faithful. I've come to realised that not having a bf doesnt' mean i'll die. In fact, God was my solitude. HE began to b really real to me. I can't depend and rely on men. I mean humans. Not being sexist here. Humans will disappoint. But only GOd won't. I looked towards Him transforming me, healing me, and not just me..but my family too. I won't say that thru my own efforts im able to become what i am today, a yr on. But was truly GOd.....who helped me to b wat i am.
I realised that relationships are like nothing compared to the many other pains in this world. And i also realised that family and frens are also far more important than little things like not having a bf etc.
And im glad that one yr on, i've matured alot in many areas and im very independent now. Im very firm about what i want( in accordance to God's words of cos) and what i need. I understand myself well, and knows how to control my emotions. IM proud of myself. IM sure GOd is even prouder of me.
2005's xmas was spent running to GOd crying abt my pains. 2006's xmas was spent giving thanks to Him. GOd has brought me far. And taught mi that real reliance comes from noone but from Him. Im not weak to rely on GOd. But i'll b weak if i rely on men or myself.
Ad for family,my hard work did pay off. I made the efforts to go talk to my mom etc, spend more time at home. Bridged the gap b/w us and my mom has opened up to mi more. GOd has been opening doors etc...i can see what improvements there has been over the year. Reall glad. I have my own phobias regarding my mom and sometimes it gets really stressful when she's unstable...still learning to cope..
As for frens, i've made alot. Singlehood definetely has its many advantages haha. And much closer to my own grp of frens. resolved some issues with some of them and we became even closer.
2006 has been a tough but yet enriching year. Im glad. And all these would not be happening if i haven't broke up. Bcos i was too much in the pain to want to do anything except save the relationship. Im glad.
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