Sunday, November 19, 2006 . 10:21 PM
Today i found out repentance in greek really actually means, changing of the mind. As we get closer to God, God transform us by transforming our minds.Then your attitude and your behaviors will change.
How you think, reflects how you behave.
I do not wish to bear grudges of any sort, but i realised that some christian frens of mine do not think that im actually a growing christian or i believe in the wrong thigns watever. I won't be defensive. Part of my pride got hurt of cos. But im more upset with the fact that how come i need to prove to them that im not what they think i am? Are they putting me down bcos they feel righteous and morally higher??
My question is..if you proclaim to know the doctrines so very well, then how come i don't see reflections of that in the person's life?
A christian's journey with God is never juz abt doctrines and how much you know or what chim topics you can write or talk abt doctrines.You can say so much abt sermons, abt God etc..but you forgot that God don't want u know to only know and not b transformed by Him. I confess i MAY NOT in your eyes, know alot...bcos i don't talk abt chim thigns? or for watever reasons...but i am definetely very firm in my foundations. I do not need to convince pple of my spiritual walk and i think it's really damn silly i have to end up doing that. And yes, for watever reasons pple think im not that spiritual, then i juz hve to clarify that..a child of God's journey with God is not one that doesn't have ups and downs. And i have my equal share of down period. I dropped out of church, i went church hopping...i had issues...everyone's paths is different. But my heart and desire for God has always been there. Even tho i was out of church, i didn't stop growing. Bcos i was still actively involved in campus crusade. It doesn't mean that you have to whole day put God on your lips to show that you are a growing christian and you love HIm. But yes if you love someone you will always talk abt that someone...but im not a very vocal person regarding who im interested in..im usually a very neutral person on the surfance. For your information, i do talk abt GOd, but i usually let whoever who wans to talk abt God share more..more than i'll share.
I don't talk abt chimalogies. I usually put what i wanna share abt how God has been amazing to mi in the most simplest way. I don't talk big. What's the point of talking so much when your non christian frens do not understand?
A christian's walk is not juz abt doctrines. It's of cos evry important u know God personally, u know God's word well. But that's onli part of what you shd be donig. Where is the love for pple? If it's all head knowledge, wat use is that? I do not wish to boast. But i know i do have a desire and love for pple. I know God uses me for pple ard me. I also know that there are MANY who came to Christ bcos of my direct or indirect involvements. No matter wat prejudice you have against me, i know all the characteristics i possessed did not come frmo mi alone, but was from GOd, bcos HE transformed mi to b the way i am now, from a selfish being to someone who is willing not lose any chances to spread the gospel for Him. I feel for people alot. Everyone of us are given different gifts and talents for His glory. Y do you expect mi to b the same as you? I may not know as much as they do...but i definetely am exhibiting more christ-like behaviours. I do not like to boast. And ido not like saying im betta in this n that...it's no point doing that. But i tink it's not my prob onli, it's how certain christians are not living out the life God would prefer them to. If you love God, be transformed and show it in ur lives.
It's alway v easy to say you love God.It's only when your tested, can you still say u love GOd?
If let's say u have a prob with your parents, and they are doing/saying hurtful things to you again..As a children of God, what is your reaction? I do not say im perfect. I don't treat my parents with due respect all the time. But im saying, would u response in hatred? In vulgar languages? Bitch abt them?? Wish they are dead?
If your colleague or a stranger offended you somehow, do you write on msn and say things like hope he burns in hell?
I juzt want to say, we are all given many different gifts and talents. As of right now, after years of moulding from GOd, i have talents in the area of teaching, imparting my experience on how to apply what you know in your lives, i have gifts in evangelis and discernment. Mayb they have the gift in knowledge, they prob can become a bible study leader or something. I don't know. But don't expect everyone to b the same.Then wat's the point of GOd making us unique.
Being a christian doesn't mean that u will b perfect. But you def have the knowledge (from ur walk with God) to know what reaction to give, what words to say. And bcos you are transformed by God, from within you, love shines through.You become more n more like Christ, you won't respond in ways that God wouldn't want you too. When tested by circumstances and other pple, do you react in love? Don't you rem God is love? Jesus IS love? Then if you are a follower of JEsus, then shouldn't the love shine through?? So that when non-believers see your love, they will know that you are different? Why am i saying all these? I do not want to judge, but let's juz say i think i display morelove and tolerance towards pple. So...is a head of doctrine so impt if you have missed out the whole point?
SOmeone asked Jesus, what is the most important commandment??
What did JEsus say?
First, love your GOd with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and will all your strength.
2nd most important?? Love your neighbours as your self. Period.
I may not know as much as they do. But i do know my bible well.And that's where my gift of discernment comes in. I may not talk chimalogy...but i def know how to live my life pleasing to GOd and i mean living it out and not juz knowing how to ...
Yes i've my walk with GOd has been thru ups and downs. And that's the amazing part. Bcos GOd intended mi to learn thru all these. WHen i was down in the pits, when i was so called far from God...that's when i hit bottom and expereinced what is rock bottom and seek Him again. They prob have this misconception that cos i was a 'rebellious' christian, im always like that.
For goodness sake, i've been in church since pri 4. When i recieved Christ, i was sec2. Till now it's 10 years. Yes i been out and back in church here and there. There were confusing times...but im glad i did experience all these but it's all these that brought mi to where i am with God now. And i can relate to pple who faces the same probs as me back then.Like i said, my love and desire for GOd was always there. Bcos we humans are wired to thrist for GOd rite? What makes mi different? Juz cos i wasn't in church here and there so im not a growing christian? That's so wrong lor. Bcos i was actively serving in campus crusade and i did grow alot at that time.I also had bible study every week with them.
Just wanna say...bottomline..is how well you are walking with God...bcos if u are walking close to God, you will naturally b influenced. Juz as you are getting closer to a fren, you def get influenced by him/her little by little..WHen you are influenced, you naturally wanna do what is close to God's heart...and wat's close to God's heart??? This whole earth of people whom He loves.
As for myself, i've not been spending alot of time with GOd these few weeks bcos i've been so tired and busy. Been trying to handle everything myself, bcos i've not been close to God. I tot i can handle them myself. BUt now again...i feel so drained. OF all the 10 yrs walk with GOd, this muzt b my 100++ th time being drained bcos i refused to let GOd take control. Im so busy with dancing, my mind caught up in all those perfecting, tryin to improve as much as possible so that i don kill myself with embarrasment during the performance. WHatever free time i have i try to read abit on my advance theory. Now that i passed, i can finally rest. Focus on my dance. BUt it's so tiring. And im getting so stressed out bcos of it. WEll actually not really lar. But i'll b really happy after dec 16th that i def know. Bcos i finally will b able to get rid of that burden!!! IM alittle nervous. SO far i've onli been trained 18 times. Which is ...like 4 mths...18 times onli lor...and i think for 18 times i can dance like that not bad liao. There are really so many things to know, to learn abt dancing,that pple spend years n years perfecting..like our walk with God, there's no stopping in what you can learn in dancing..there's alwasy soemthing to learn and alawys someone betta than u. SO i juz have to commit to GOd and pray that i can go thru the perfomance well, in the most comfortable frame of mind, instead of getting all nervous.
So it seems like dec is really busy time. Baptism on 9th. Perfomance on 16th. 23rd xmas carnival of my church. 25th Xmas!!! YIppee... then new yr..blah blah blah.
I Love the end of the yr...can't wait for xmas. I love xmas.
I have to admit that i feel alittle empty. And i know only by asking GOd to fill the emptiness, can i feel complete, if not i'll continue in this...state..where my heart feels so cold...as if somethign is so missing.. what is missing? love....i can't feel loved. I wan to know God loves me. IF there's anything that ican ask GOd for now..is..a hug from HIm.....juzt for a while...ok wait..not just for a while..here and there can?? There was once i mentioend i went to covenent vision centre and the person prayed for mi there..his prayer was something abt me feeling v lonely all the time and i feel that pple don't understand what im going thru. GOd loves mi, that's what he told me. And he asked this lady to come hug mi and pray for mi.U know it's amazing how much hugs can do? 
MY heart is juz aching so badly...desiring the love of GOd...and hugs from Him.
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