Thursday, October 19, 2006 . 11:05 AM
Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Recently, my personal journey with God seems rather dry. Gez it's the low period again. Im not blaming GOd like where are you. I know i didn't seek enuff. I may have fallen into the trap of thinking hey i can handle all my probs alone. And there aren't many problems nowadays. Or mayb i shelve them aside cos i needa break from all of them. Im comforted to know that no matter where i go, God is there. He knows mi inside and out. He knows wat im thinking, the number of hair on my head (oh please Lord, make my white hair black!!!), the worries i have, the words i've spoken, the things i've done.
But nothing delights the Father when his children speaks to them. Gez i haven't been praying. I gez the prob in me is that i don seek when i have probs...i kinda chuck them aside and i don wan to pray bcos i know when i start praying i'll have to tok abt all those irritating things that bother mi. yap. But i'll start praying.
The haze was bad, now gradually improving. And i tot i wont b that affected.Afterall, i was not really affected in the beginning of the haze period. But these few days were horrible. The weather was so hot,due to the heat trapped by the haze. I couldn't sleep. Couldn't breathe properly either, like a pressure on my chest that i can't get rid. An old problem.
Friday(tomoro), i'll be so called performing..in the salsa party organised by my instructor. He wans us to perform so that i'll get used to having pple looking at me dance, all these in preparation for dec's salsa congress's performers where overseas professional salsa dancers would b all coming for a time of exchanging of experience. And we are to perform then. Alamak. Sat i would b performing at a wedding of a student of his. Another experience i gez. In a way it's so exciting that it intoxicates mi, another part of me feels so paiseh....wat if i don't perform well.
I gez perfomring is not the big deal for me, after all i spent 4 yrs dancing n perfoming in sec sch mah. It's not that a big deal. It's wat u do after ur performance when everyone applauds you, and then pple coming up to u to chat with you, praising u on ur dance. Im so paiseh.
Myth 1: Jia yann is a gd dancer.
Truth: Im not gd without training and come on..i practice how many times more than u leh...... but then...another truth of it all, i only started training 4 mths ago and each week only once a week REAL training, as in 3 hrs straight of training, which is really not much in professional dancing standard. And onli once a week. Pple dance like 8 hrs everyday, for professionals. But then im no professionals so yap. Thursdays were spent for REAL training. MOnday is for dancing classes. Bcos i can't afford o ther days and other more time for more dancing so i made sure my instructor agrees to having thursdays onli for real training. And rem my legs were not feeling well for 2 mths? So practically those 2 mths, most thursdays were spent being at home or at the doc's so i didn't practice much oso. For the no of trainings n practices, and how little effort i put in...my instructor was telling me, that i have talents. Liek i so cannot b bothered to dance, i can still improve so much. Well..gez dancing in sec sch helps. I realised that im quite flexible and all..still.....after years of rotting at home. It's not the REAL training that drains mi down. It's the travelling. I have to travel to places like yishun for training..bcos it's the onli studio free of charge for us...it's emotional stress i gez. I mean those aunties keep praising mi and stuffs and like being alittle jealous of my accomplishment, it's not very justified you see. I don drive like u all do hor...they are tai tais lar...
It's physically tiring to go for trainings...hahaa..
Nonetheless, i'm not going to get anxiety attacks for having to perform. Im juz gonna take it slow. Breathe in breathe out. Relax man. Even if i were to make mistakes..then so b it lar..take things easy and things won't go wrong. God pls make them gd.
Myth 2: Jia yann is a confident gal or like how some of my friends put it bluntly,' you shy one meh?'
Truth: yes Jiayann is a really shy gal if you have no idea. i juz hide my shyness inside for goodness sake. YOu have to protray that ur confident in order to get things done rite..u can't b so shy all the time. Im not a really confident person. i have to deal with low self esteem problems all my life. Bcos of upbringing i gez. I only started to pick up my low self-esteem in JC i think. I had friends being encouraging to me. So yeah. Then i became really more confident of myself but the real me aint THAT confident or thick skinned.. i still have to battle with my low confidence now and then, here n there..
Myth 3: Jia yann is a very sociable gal. Pple esp guys will like me one, as some friends put it oso..
Truth: Wah lau how many times i have to say im shy one. How to tell im shy? Im quite quiet....ok that is assuming that you believe im really a quiet person in the 1st place. I got to admit tat im not born sociable. I socialise onli cos i don wan to b so quiet amongst the pple i juz met. But underneath it all, im really shy. Juz hiding my shyness. Abt guys liking mi...that one i donoe lar... but anyway yes i do like to talk alot...haha and from observing many other sociable pple, i realised the trick to 'look' sociable for me is to simply not stop talking!! But of cos talk abt sensible subjects or i'll look like a bimbo. But the thing is pple likes listening abt your life and your funny life experience, even if u think ur life is the most boring life on earth. And i enjoy listening to pple's lives and their funny life experiences. I gez socialising skills CAN b picked up. Im not THAT sociable actually. I have my bad mood days. And then i simply juz shut up.Another trick is to juz smile lots. Pple also will think ur sociable. Abit...duh..haha..but yeah..it's the truth. Smile more!
Myth 3: Jia yann is NOT quiet, she's noisy.
Truth: Im a quiet person by nature. I do not like to chat with strangers. And i prefer to listen and observe ....BUT HEY ..u guys don believe that do u?
Myth 4: Jia yann looks like the kind of person who muz have many bfs b4.....
Truth: you crazy. Which part of mi looks like im a big flirt? I onli had 2 b4! But i can't gurantee i won't have lots in the future ha.
Myth 5: Jia Yann is a flirt. She goes ga ga over shuai ges.
Truth: I not onli go gaga over shuai ges, i oso go gaga over pretty gals. Im not a flirt. I don't flirt. Unlesss you count unconciously flirting as flirting..but i prefer to see that as my charming personality. Ya rite. I don't flirt. Shuai gez make mi speechless. Most of the time im blinded towards the guys..and notice the gals more. So yeah..i can't possibly do certain things juz cos there are shuai ges there,despite of what some other friends think that i DO!!
Myth 6: Jia yann is intelligent and smart, she doesn't need to study much, she can still scores.
Truth: That's not a myth. It's a fact. wahhaha..okok kidding. I do study of cos.......last min lar. If not y u think my Alevels so kanasai?
Myth 7: Jia Yann has onli gd memories when it comes to studying and super lousy memory when it comes to other things.
Truth: That's partially true. I have lousy memories, esp with names of places or pple or whatever happened in the past. I gez it's my own way of 'erasing' some not so nice memories in the past and then i really end up forgetting. I have terrific recollection of what i study onli when im really interested in the thing,like history. =)
Myth 8: Jia yann has got sensitive facial skin,that's y im always blushing.
Truth: The pple at the cosmetic counter always tell mi that. Heloo it doesn't mean i blush 24/7 means i have sensitive skin. Im born like that. My mom is like that. My brother is like that.
Myth 9: Jia yann puts powder on her face, that's y her cheeks are red.
Truth: I don't. Told u im born like that.
Myth 10: Jia yann can afford to eat all the food she wants cos she's thin.She's a pig.
Truth: I do choose wat to eat n wat not to eat hor..for heatlh reasons not bcos im worried abt being fat. Im not thin. Im SLIM. :p And yes i did eat alot in the past..that's y some of my frens got stuck with this mentality that i eat alot like pig..and sleep so much somemore like pig. I don't sleep so much anymore!! And i also don eat TAT much anymore................ :( once in a while eat abit more onli mah....cannot meh......................... -_-
Myth 11: Jia yann is a party animal.
Truth: I think these pple doens't know mi well enuff to know that im sooo not a party animal. Im a home stayer. HAHA.. ok i used to b ...now i go out yes..alot but healthy places ...like....the library. HAHA..k kidding. Sorry being so corny. But u get the drift.
Myth 12: I've got many guys after me and im so happy abt it.
Truth: haha i wish. BUt it's ok for you to continue having that misconception. It makes mi look gd :p
Myth 13 : Jia yann is short.
Truth: That's unfortunately, the truth. Im like the standard for my frens. They always say if anyone is shorter than mi then they are hopeless aldy.
Myth 14: Jia yann is so popular bcos pple lieks to joke with her and stuffs..she's so sociable...
Truth: I have freaking no idea y pple always make fun of mi.......they feel happy can liao.
Myth 15: Jia Yann looks like someone who you would want to naturally go pamper her....(hey really got pple tell mi this hor...don think i made it up myself!)
Truth: No idea. But pamper mi pls...hee...with money even betta wahhaa...
Myth 16: Jia Yann looks innocent but actually she's not ..she has alot of silly and dirty ideas in her head
Truth: i oso donoe where pple get that idea. I really am as innocent as i look. *cute pose* I AM LAR!!! IM innocent like a child ok..don corrupt mi. Y don't u all believe me...............
Myth 17: Jia yann has got so many myths abt her bcos she's confident,popular,thickskinned, fun loving and sociable.
Truth: The very reason y i think i'm always the one being made fun of and being used as the butt of jokes is bcos i don mind ( actually sometimes i do....) and i often make fun of myself too. Then life is more interesting wat. If i don make fun of myself, how do u think i have THAT many things to tok abt when let's say...socialising. Rite?
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