Friday, August 11, 2006 . 3:19 PM
Love,despite how the secular world protray it, is not selfish, is not juz about companionship, not about sex and not about big whoo haa romanticsm.
God taught us that love is all about self sacrifice. Your parents love you by sacrificing their youth and time for you. God loves you for sacrificing his son. You love your bf/gf by sacrificing urself for them.. you do what is best for him/her, not thinking of how much you will gain or get back from them at the end of the day.
Ever since i've broken up, i've learnt a lot and i'm glad i learnt. What price to pay if i don't learn anything from a broken relationship in the past.And mayb to share a few tots/pointers...but i'm sorry, it's a christian point of view of a relationship...you can take the pointers if they makes sense to you.
1) GOd 1st.
A relationship should be grounded in God. God is the creator of all romanticsm and relationships. We muz 1st have a relationship with God, to have relationship with another person. A relationship that doesn't not focus on GOd, ends up focusing on each other, it becomes suffocating, when each other's expectations of each other are not met.. we muz b emotionally dependent not on your spouse but God. Why do i say that? Bcos He is the one who said He will provide for everything, including your emotional needs. You can't go to your spouse demanding, pls do this, becos it will make mi more secure. On the same basis, ur spouse, out of love will b unselfish and think for you and do what is best for you. Note that it's not what he/she thinks it's the best for the other person, but doing what is most right and proper for the situation and how do u know what is right n best? If ur close to God, u will know ... So you don't even have to demand from that person to do this or that, he/she will do it out of love bcos it's what's best for you.
Would you give up intimacy with God to be intimate with someone else? I read this from a christian relationship book...
My answer is no. And i kept reminding myself that nothing is more important to me than God himself..if i let someone take my eyes off God, then it's not right. Your energy should b spent being closer to God, worshipping God, serving in his ministry not on the other person. If you find yourself saying..ah..wait till i settle this relationship then i go to God..it's never gonna work out..bcos i've been down the road b4..if u let God settles it, u prob have more chances of success than ur own efforts..A healthy dating relationship should be one that builds each other even stronger, closer to God, not away. It sure doens't feel gd to know that ur partner can't support you in something which u deem so important.
2) Timing
It's our human tendency to want to accelerate things as much as possible in teh shortest time. We wanna know as much about the person, asap.. and end up probably rushing too much that both burns out. It takes time to know a person..and i mean INSIDE OUT. Knowing a person well also means seeing him/her go thru different situations in life(given a period of time..which means lots of time) and seeing how he/she reacts in every situation to really know what kind of person he/she is. I also made the mistake of rushing too much in the previous relationship. It became too overwhelming, too much things to cope with at one time. B4 one prob abt his character flaw or mine was solved, another problems came along...
I read somewhere in boy meets gal, another christian book, that says something like the stage of dating where God placed the 2 of you are for you to enjoy..if u rush too much, u will miss out all the different stages in between..missing out the beautiful things..
If you trust that God will iron things out for you, then u don't have to worry, don have to try too hard...don have to play power struggles..don have to fight for his/her attention or love.. No matter what happens, God is still in control. Whatever happens, God will still make sure it's for the best for you and him/her.
3) Mom's advice
My mom must b the biggest marriage adviser ard, she believed she chose the wrong husband and have a failed marriage and fill my head with logic n wisdom since young abt who is gd and who is not. Sometimes i hate her for doing that. I hate her for wanting to control the paths that i take. I know she's juz doing for my own gd, after all, in her own words, she ate more rice than me, she seen more affairs than me and i'll never know as gd as her abt choosing guys. :XXXX
Find a guy who loves God so much that he's willing to put you 2nd and willing to do what is right in God's eyes. Find a guy who will bring you closer to GOd.Find a guy who is patient( bcos i have a lousy bad temper my mom says...) and good natured. Find a guy who is family oriented, he will make a gd family man (husband), who will love my parents like his own...Find a guy who listens to your opinions and suggestions and take you seriously. That's about it. Is it that hard to find a guy like that???
Of cos, it's not all abt him.. I muz b willing to do what i've listed, for him as well. A relationship, marriage is never juz a one sided thing, but be careful...it's not supposed to b demanding on the other half either.... =)
So ...
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 1 corinthians13:4-6
Don't turn a blind eye towards the wrong and ugly sides of a person, loving a person doesn't mean u become blind. I take this from a secular book, Jane Austen's guide to romance. Haha...always always evaluate the kind of guy u want ( and know that it's in line with wat God wants...)
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