Tuesday, January 18, 2005 . 2:44 PM
*Booo hooo!!!!!!! *
Can i say the truth? Can i?? Can i bare my soul to everyone?? CANNNN IIIIIII????
*WHINE*
I think...i'm having SLIGHT depression. Slight meaning i'm refusing to let it get bigger and consume me whole. I'm feeling so upset. So miserable. SO horrible over NOTHING!!!
All i know is i hate my life. I really hate it. Every morning i try so hard to wake up earlier, always failed. Tried so hard to reach work at 8.45 instead of at 9am but i always end up coming in at 9 or 9.05 or 9.10am. This is horrendous!! And everyday i 'look' forward to another day of 'easy' work, 'easy' money, 'easy' life. I'm so bloody sick of it. BUmming ard for like 8 hrs. This sux. I know everyone thinks it's like a great life and all but hey i'm not being a pain in the arse ok. It's not that i'm not contended with watever i've got or given my God. It's juz that this sort of life is killing me!!! How can i sit here and do nothing all day?! MY brain is rotting!!!! Im so sick of pretending that i've got things to do when i onli have things once in a while. Onli then i feel the sense of pride and satisfaction that my skill has been perfected and i've helped someone learnt the skill..... Where is the satisfaction? Where is the pride? Where is the accomplishment? I'm being stuck here. I donoe wat to do man. Do i seriously shd juz let my brains go rot....I'm so sick of being like that. I feel so damn useless. C'mon man...i need some action i need some life i need some bloody action!!! Let mi feel busy..let mi b useful..pls!!
:(
Wat's the use of trying hard when there's nothing for u to try hard for? Or the things that ur trying so hard to change is not changing for the betta cos i still sleep late and b late for work. I donoe wat the others will speak behind mi man. Paranoid.
Watever...
Does anyone know wat my prob is?
Last fri i had my off. So i was slacking and nuaing at home. I've been wanting to shop but ....everytime i ever get to ORchard it's like evening and not much time to shop. I've been so dying?!!! to shop~!!! Have u ever have that feeling..that u wan something so damn much and it bothers u like hell that ur not getting it after such a long time? Weekends are like eh not easy to come abt. And i don get to do my shopping. I prob have been hoping to shop for like a mth? This sux. SO in the end fri's plan oso went downhill cos nobody was avaliable to shop with me and i donoe y the hell i got an off juz to piss myself off...and then my heart was so unsettled. I was gonna kill myself for not going out. Luckily!! Xiaoying saved mi from my heartwrenching moments when she came online at 8+pm and then we decided to head out. Cos we were so deprived of some social life u see. OR at least for me. So she drove..we went to HV. Had haagen dazz. Then i could feel that i'm so satisfied. Even tho it's not like some wild party or anything, it was an enjoyable time with her. We had so many things to tok abt i didn't wan to go home.
Sat i went shopping with deying...finally!!! omg...i juz don understand something. Y isit that sooo many simple accomplishable things are always so difficult to accomplish for me?! EVen such a simple thing like shopping? It's like a daily excercise for some gals but yet it is so hard for mi to even go do it. HUH?!! Like how i've always wanted to go take salsa...where the hell is my plan progessing to? It's not!!! It's still...'oh mayb i shd go take salsa one of these days' shit. Rite...and then learning malay? On and on..so many things. I juz haven't gone do it. It's shit. Anyway went shopping with deying. I'm so digressing sorrie...So..we met at evening like 6pm thanz to my very usualy LATE habits. So again was in the evening and no time to shop enjoyably. But nvm cos it was still gd cos finally i got out of my hse and did shopping.
Sunday was supposed to go church in the morning but Yicai didn't feel well and i was too tired. Ok so lots of excuses. Damn sian. ANd then tot i would b able to go out early but turned out i was glued to the tv cos of this AU Xiang Ju..called..Ai qing mo jie (magic ring i think) It's quite nice. Been catching it for some sundays. After i finished that Yicai went to watch my Kung fu hassle which i had juz downloaded from the net and so we were stuck there again. The show is really nice leh. I like it. "With great powers comes great responsiblities" haha..wat the shit! And ru lai shen zhang!!!!! They even dug out the old kung fu movie songs..all the chin chin chiang chiang..damn interesting. It's all so funnie my goodness. All the ugly normal pple gets to b the hero. Like the auntie landlord who's alwyas wearing her white nite gown who can run so fast and with a great inner power to create a shout that would blast pple's clothes off? Wah lau so funnie. So many weird characters man. The movie was so gd i felt kinda guilty that i didn't support our chinese movie, went to pirate it instead opps. And gosh the quality was so damn gd. Where did pple get such gd stuffs.
So we went out late again. I decided to drop shopping and go Ikea + queensway shopping centre instead. Didnt buy ANYTHING. I got the chicken wings at Ikea cafe tho...oh was so gd.......*drool* ohhhhhhhh i can feel my gastric juice...
OK mon back to work....so to conclude i didn't have a very nice long weekend. Cos i was depressed and irritated half the time. Look i'm juz so short of shouting and screaming at pple now. I'm controlling it....cool it man..i'm cool.......i'm under control............shit the bloody a******* BEEP BEEP BEEEPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
I'm really going mad. hai..
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