Friday, July 02, 2004 . 12:11 PM
+ Y IS LIFE LIKE THIS? +
IS everyone else's life as difficult as mine? I feel like i'm totally trapped again. In a viscious cycle that my family can't break out off. Y am i speaking like this?
COs im damn PISSED with my mom. yesh my mom again!! NOW I WISHED SHE LEAVES SOON K.
She woke mi up and started scolding mi for every single shit..like how i didn't clean up the hse?how i didn't fold the clothes etc etc etc..and then gave mi hell for teh rabbit. She said it gives her alot of stress..having to keep checking on him whether he went to places he shdn't go(he might bite stuffs..)wat's the pt of havinghim. She threatens to kill it even. Wat the hell. Everything doesn't make sense ok. I need Angel. I SAVED his life and I WONT put it in my mom's hands, this is total NUTS. I HATE IT.
ANd then it's her complainnig of how hard life has been for her these 2 yrs..i know it's hard ok..and there are lots of pple trapping us and that's even more shit. Juz cos my father is suffering from stroke? ALL our lives has been changed.. Muz i give up myself cos of that? Muz i give up my dreams and ambitions? Everything is changed. I feel as if i don have much to look forward to in the future. DOing masters? yeah rite. Ur family doesn't even have the money for ur dad's medicial fees...my mom? MY mom has slogged her life for the family her whole life, oppressed under my dad and tot she could have a better life when she's old? Now she's stuck to taking care of my dad...and mayb for the rest of her remaining life. How gd can she feels? Don tell mi wat it's her responsibilties...he's her husband...my dad has never treated her gd..she doesn't deserve all this. If it's YOU wat would u have done? It's easy to say oh she shd do this she shd do that...WAT WOULD U HAVE DONE IF IT'S YOU WHO HAS TO TAKE CARE OF A SICK HUSBAND WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABT WAT YOU DID AND HAS ALWAYS TREATED U BADLY????? HUH?!!
I don need anyone to intervere with my life. COS Im so used to being alone...and being the one who makes ALL the decisions. I DON NEED ANYONE TO INTERVERE WITH MY LIFE GETIT?! I donoe wat pple think abt wat i just said ..abt my mom and abt how she feels...think watever u wan. IF u really could..y don u just imagine ur dad paralysed. And then let ur imagination takes u...imagine the dynamics of the family now. U KNOW WAT? nobody can really understand our situtation and everything we go thru..UNLESS ur bloody hell in one urself. YESH u won't understand totally...u may understand alittle and imagine how bad it must b like...but no..u won't understand the pain..or even feel it. HOw are we to break out of this? HOW?! Will everyone just give us a break..stop telling us wat u think..( i refering to relatives in m'sia)
I haven't got a job. IN fact when i haven't even graduated, the burden of the whole family and my dad's medical fees aldy resting on my shoulders. Yeah by that i don mean i had to pay for them..but i was the onli one who's gonna grad and have income soon. How much can my salary provide for them? U think it's so damn easy? U think maintaining a hse is so easy? Electricity bills..water bills..daily expenses? that's like wat? how many hundreds? My dad if needed has to b in daycare centre and that is another 400 bucks a mth..huh? my pathetic, supposedly high salary of $2000 can help of cos...and in the end how much would i have left for myself. The burden is there even b4 i could grad. The burden would b there till....i donoe when...will my dad ever recover? It's not that i don wan to take care of him either...Its more like i can't support the whole family alone. How are we going to break out of this cycle? HOW?HOW can we all live a meangingful life, i wan my dad to have a meangingful life ahead of him not sit there and stone all day.
Y is my life so difficult? I know there are many pple out there where their family situtation is worse than mine...so? Mine is still a difficult path to take. SO how? God wat do u have to say abt these?
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