Monday, May 03, 2004 . 4:24 PM
*A Long and Difficult journey- Adulthood *
I just came back from clementi central, had a rare trip out with my mom. As ive mentioned last nite, she's leaving on this sat for kuching ( and that's a day b4 mom's day..hmm) SO! She made it her business to "educate" me on how to select meat, vegs etc etc u know those stuffs. AND i'm really proud to say that ha! Most of the things she mentioned i aldy knew them :p And i even knew where some stuffs are placed in the NTUC...haha. So there u go!! I'm so proud of myself. That aside, actually it's really rare that we went out together, even more rare that i went grocery shopping with her. Since she's leaving soon and prob won't b back till 2 mths later, i wanted to spend more quality time with her. Glad we went out together today. I think the conversations today is more than the conversations we had over the past half mth :p Yap, so after she's gone i'm gonna b the loner, the starved, the housewife, the maid , the slave again. Man..i feel so sian.
I'm all tired out from the grocery shopping. Now got nothign to do and my mind is running again. Wouldn't it b so perfect if we never ever have to b adults. Y can't we remain at 18? My mom has plans to sell this hse and using the $$ fetched to get a 4room flat instead, and the flat would b under her name and mine. So that means i have to pay the loan over the yrs lar..And to me it almost sound like a horrible nitemare! I'm barely 21 yrs old and i have a house loan to support?!!! T_T ..I never liked carrying responsibilities. I find it hard to shoulder responsibilities. But don get me wrong lor. It's not as if i won't. I've been shouldering some of the hse hold responsibilities over this 1 yr+...even my salary ( when i get a job) has to support the family (cos no income rem..) and if let's say i got a hse loan to pay as well man...i can vision myself being tied down by more n more ropes. Hate that~~~ Mayb to some pple their responses would b "wah! i got a hse under my name man!!! Tat's so cool " My goodnes..those pple are either mad or they have the $$ k..come on..i haveb't even step foot into the working world and here i am facing a hard reality of support a family and paying hse loans blaeh!!
Adulthood sux big time. It's not that i refuse to grow up but growing up is simply too hard. It's not tat i don wan to support my family or own a hse ... i just don wanna feel tied down. But given our family situation i don have a choice rite. I'm somemore the eldest...sometimes the burden feels abit heavy. hai..
Ever since my dad fell ill and my mom not in s'pore, I've went thru the period where i was suddenly threw into adulthood. I had to manage the hse, cook meals myself n take care of my stupid brother etc . I knew nuts abt cooking or how to wash clothes..or how to clean the bloody hse. I had to figure everything out myself and on top of that cope with loneliness..it's tough facing silence everyday at home. And then i have to settle finance part..paying this n that..things like paying the HDB upgrading cost? huh wat the hell is that? I didn't know to maintain a hse u got to pay for so many rubbish as well..Emotionally, it was hard and it was real stressful. My family went thru a finacial crisis when i was in sec sch..we got out of it when i entered Uni. But my dad's stroke and treatment actually threw us back into another financial crisis. Hai..Times were really tough. Sometimes i even feel depressed, as if there' s noone else, at least none of my frens, are in this sort of situation and hv to go thru the emotional stress i've to go thru. Then...i realised tat there are many many many families out there with a worse fate than mine. So wat the hell am i complaining and self pitying for...I'm glad i had the support of frens, their understanding and their constant prayers and their help. Also yicai had helped me out alot.
Without God my life would have collapsed. Without God, there would have been no hope, onli despair. At least i know at the end of this crisis, God will still provide..no matter wat the bank account says..
I know i can't depend on my parents all the time or by bf or my frens. I think i was too overprotected in the past man. Didnt know it's so tough. Till now i still fight agasint having to grow up. Hate the responsibilities. I wish life could b easier. Wish that i don have to make BIG decisions :p I find it amazing that some pple find it pretty easy? They just take on the responsibilties! Ok see..i'm over protected..fine... I'm learning can...
I'm done complaining lar...hai feeling so sian myself hai ~~~~~~~~ sorie guys..Don really wan to throw all the bad sides of life to all of u :p but yeah can't help it..feeling sian..
On the lighter side of things, i was totally made speechless by this photo!! Aww..i'm such a sucker for overexposed photos. If i ever get a digital cam, that would b the no 1 thing i wanna learn how to do and perfect it. Awesome! i'm beginning to feel as if i'm Steve from The Crocodile Hunter~( strong australian acent) Oh look at that! ISn't it beautiful? Isn't it Awesome?!! AMMazing!Such a beautiful creature!! oh opps..it's a human :p
ok corny n lame...B-O-R-E-D!! Alritey..i'm gonna switch on my tv now..mayb Steve would b on animal planent :p But i prefer Jeff Corwin..wat a nut..
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